It is sunday and as I don't think I can make jam (like Hindeja apparently did today - cool!!) I decided to still take a bit of the day off and pack culture and adventure into it - however, as that meant doing a bit of biking to see whether I am even carved out for my rügen plans, I figured I need to first install my years ago free received bike computer during my bike-tourist-guide-passau-to-budapest-summer - of course the battery was empty so after I had managed to strap it to my bike (and yes, as with almost every piece of furniture in my apartment, also in this endeavor I got initially defeated by a pictogram in my 'I am smarter than that' attitude... but returning to my flat (3 flights of stairs) and with proper equipment and luck managed to get the mismatched parts apart again and had it all installed). Then to the station at Südkreuz for a new battery and finally around 2 off into the wild wild city. However, due to the time and the amount of action at Brandenburger Tor I decided to skip the exhibition at the Akademie der Künste which I had planned as a first stop and biked on through Unter den Linden and the south to Treptower Park to see the really impressive Sowjet Monument! From there through the park and passing by the defunct amusement park Spreewald which I had just read about this morning and thus biked around the areal because that is a truly cool sight - with the rotting joy-rides.... and then off to my actual destination: Müggelsee. It has a really great bikeroute around large parts of the lake, but unfortunately only tiny bits of shore or places where to actually access the lake most is woods and reeds. But still very nice. Spent about an hour on a runway for ships reading and relaxing my knees ... and then back through all of Sonnenallee and along the also defunct airport Tempelhof. Great tour but given my knee and exhaustion issues (and by tomorrow likely sore muscles and the inability to sit on my bike for days to come) ... I might have to reconsider Rügen... let's see.
If you want to check out the really cool route (though not absolutely accurate) - I tried to reconstruct it on google-maps (which hardly allows for through-park-biking... thus only approximately true.
Oh and my bike computer developed some funny attitudes after our little break at the lake, though without having had any contact with either water or sun ... because on the ride back I apparently oscillated between speeds of 43 to 79 ... I mean I admit that I am a ruthless and quick biker and can hardly accept anyone taking the lead or overtaking me ... but even in my best shape and with slight downhill conditions I will hardly even reach the 43 :) So maybe the 2 hours and 2,35 euros invested in getting it set up may have been wasted...
8/09/2009
8/05/2009
Don't Freudian psychologize my laughing dreams!
This is less a sharing than a form of note-to-self-diary entry... once again really establishing my status as 'bilkul pagal' (i.e. total weirdo) - because - as I did post on facebook, today I woke up too early (at 6.34) due to imagined stomach cramps (I was actually clasping my middle in my sleep-wake-up transition) which resulted from a very intense dreamed fit of laughter. What I did not share there was the dream that led to it ... that one I did write to Mika, because she totally gets me - but as she really appreciated the many-leveled humor, I might as well put it out there:
The dream was really (quite along the lines of Katharina's statement) postmodern in the 3-4 dimension remoteness from the 'fact'. Because I dreamed to be in a seminar (with people I do not know in real life but knew quite well there) where we analyzed (1. level) the presentation of the 2008 excursion to Western Canada (2. level and an event I could not possibly know as I could not attend) where the people recounted an event during said excursion at a library at a university before Vancouver (but not one we visited - btw 3. level - excursion itself), where we saw a movie of the funeral of Princess Diana and Dodi (together in one funeral - and, of course, a fact that never happened during said excursion and 4. level if you will). So weirdness galore already. But multilayeredness seems natural in dreams and my life so thats not where the giggles come from.
However on the screen (in screen) we saw the coffins being rolled in, and they were covered in flowers, red roses mostly, his coffin was decidedly darker than hers. But amidst all the flowers on both coffins were large yummy commemoration cakes - his was a sinfully looking dark chocolate covered one with exquisite designs, hers was absurdly enough in an 'open-book' shape and covered in creme-colored marzipan and with a large 50 on top (for whatever reasons). And a priest started circling the coffins spreading incense and sprinkling holy water - and my friend with whom I shared the last row in said seminar room muttered: 'Great, now who is gonna want to eat them!' And despite, the of course, very sober ambiance we looked at each other and started to uncontrollably giggle (because whenever we thought we mastered it, the cakes just reappeared in close ups on the screens) ... until it shook me awake. (and due to the fun we had I also was very reluctant to let go and really open my eyes, only my tummy really started to hurt - in the dream).
You see - the weirdo award of the day was justly earned by me and that too, before most of you were even awake :)
In addition, of course, I just love the idea of strapping commemoration cakes to coffins and should maybe communicate this to my brother (who just took over our undertaker's business - nice wordplay btw) as a new marketing thing.
The dream was really (quite along the lines of Katharina's statement) postmodern in the 3-4 dimension remoteness from the 'fact'. Because I dreamed to be in a seminar (with people I do not know in real life but knew quite well there) where we analyzed (1. level) the presentation of the 2008 excursion to Western Canada (2. level and an event I could not possibly know as I could not attend) where the people recounted an event during said excursion at a library at a university before Vancouver (but not one we visited - btw 3. level - excursion itself), where we saw a movie of the funeral of Princess Diana and Dodi (together in one funeral - and, of course, a fact that never happened during said excursion and 4. level if you will). So weirdness galore already. But multilayeredness seems natural in dreams and my life so thats not where the giggles come from.
However on the screen (in screen) we saw the coffins being rolled in, and they were covered in flowers, red roses mostly, his coffin was decidedly darker than hers. But amidst all the flowers on both coffins were large yummy commemoration cakes - his was a sinfully looking dark chocolate covered one with exquisite designs, hers was absurdly enough in an 'open-book' shape and covered in creme-colored marzipan and with a large 50 on top (for whatever reasons). And a priest started circling the coffins spreading incense and sprinkling holy water - and my friend with whom I shared the last row in said seminar room muttered: 'Great, now who is gonna want to eat them!' And despite, the of course, very sober ambiance we looked at each other and started to uncontrollably giggle (because whenever we thought we mastered it, the cakes just reappeared in close ups on the screens) ... until it shook me awake. (and due to the fun we had I also was very reluctant to let go and really open my eyes, only my tummy really started to hurt - in the dream).
You see - the weirdo award of the day was justly earned by me and that too, before most of you were even awake :)
In addition, of course, I just love the idea of strapping commemoration cakes to coffins and should maybe communicate this to my brother (who just took over our undertaker's business - nice wordplay btw) as a new marketing thing.
8/04/2009
devising rewards for deeds far from accomplished...
sometimes being future oriented and forward looking might just be a way of avoiding work - which gets even more absurd if the time not spent on work is spent on planning the ultimate reward one is going to gift oneself once the work not-in-progress will be accomplished ... the actions of a really twisted character...
so yes, I have not written a word today (as of yet, the night is young *hüstel*) but came up with the perfect reward and hopefully affordable holiday: mit dem rad nach rügen! a mere 300 km north of Berlin means two days of biking to reach the beach - 1-2 days there and then depending on how hard the biking up there proved to be home either by train (if exhausted) or via a detour along the sea and home closer to the Polish border, if it proves to be rather nice (3 days of biking). The challenges (aside of cost) will be how to limit luggage (i.e. not take the laptop and still be able to recharge my ipod) and to get cheap bike-bags so I do not have to carry an overweight backpack... and, of course, the weather and the wind which is said to possibly be fierce due to the countryside's flatness... but at the same time: adventures galore! (I hope) ... oh and get the bike into shape (while same is, naturally, not necessary for the body, as there is shape in abundance already...). Anything I forgot? Ah, yes, get a google-maps printout or maybe even a real street map ;)
so yes, I have not written a word today (as of yet, the night is young *hüstel*) but came up with the perfect reward and hopefully affordable holiday: mit dem rad nach rügen! a mere 300 km north of Berlin means two days of biking to reach the beach - 1-2 days there and then depending on how hard the biking up there proved to be home either by train (if exhausted) or via a detour along the sea and home closer to the Polish border, if it proves to be rather nice (3 days of biking). The challenges (aside of cost) will be how to limit luggage (i.e. not take the laptop and still be able to recharge my ipod) and to get cheap bike-bags so I do not have to carry an overweight backpack... and, of course, the weather and the wind which is said to possibly be fierce due to the countryside's flatness... but at the same time: adventures galore! (I hope) ... oh and get the bike into shape (while same is, naturally, not necessary for the body, as there is shape in abundance already...). Anything I forgot? Ah, yes, get a google-maps printout or maybe even a real street map ;)
die wunderbare welt der tiere...
sitting at my desk (no, don't worry, not working, of course, not!) I am all amazement at a not so little lady bug - because he is struggling to get outside, being trapped between my two windows. A sad matter as such - the amazing thing, however is, that I never ever opened either one side of these windows - not only because they are painted shut (thanks to my maintenance guy who closed them before the paint had dried) but also because the position and hight of my desk does not allow it - and the balcony door right beside it offers enough of fresh-air-inlets - so until now this fact had not seemed to be at the disadvantage of anything or anyone .... until the lady bug .... but not only am I in no position to rescue it - the more interesting aspect would be: how the .... did that creature get there in the first place?!?? I mean I know of other tiny insectuous creatures who apparently live in walls and make their way into human living areas especially if they find them cleaned on only irregular basis.... but a ladybug - honestly? and although my windows are old, last winter I did not have the feeling that they were that utterly untight .... and to close on a note on relativity and perspective: while a ladybug may seem to be quite small - seeing it trapped between closed windows that appear tight all around, it looks huge in comparison to possibly gaps there might be to crawl in or out ...
and as we are on small animals already: I made a host of ants experience a storm on a cloudless sunny day yesterday - because upon exiting the library they had made a second cover to the frame of my bike (which is always parked underneath trees that continue to drip sweet stuff I have to swipe from my seat every morning) - and as they were too many to rescue and i am not particularly given to pity towards creatures of less than 10 cm body length (or plants of any size) I just biked off at my usual speed and miraculously must have lost them all on the way, as the frame was clear of creatures when put into park position at home ...
and as we are on small animals already: I made a host of ants experience a storm on a cloudless sunny day yesterday - because upon exiting the library they had made a second cover to the frame of my bike (which is always parked underneath trees that continue to drip sweet stuff I have to swipe from my seat every morning) - and as they were too many to rescue and i am not particularly given to pity towards creatures of less than 10 cm body length (or plants of any size) I just biked off at my usual speed and miraculously must have lost them all on the way, as the frame was clear of creatures when put into park position at home ...
7/31/2009
on redefinitions - or concept displacement
ich glaub ich hab so vor mehreren Monaten - sagen wir mal Mitte Jänner etwa - glücklichst, erschöpft und durchaus überzeugt verkündet dass ich nicht nur mit arbeit fertig wäre sondern so bald nix mehr reparieren würd und schon gar nicht in dieser meiner wohnung?!?
nun ja ... wie immer wenn ich von plänen meinerseits absolut überzeugt bin ...
jedenfalls hab ich heute den eigentlich eher meteorischen bestimmten Begriff der Föhnwand neu zu definieren begonnen, und hab, nachdem ich zuerst (bisher nur teilweise *stöhn*stöhn*ächz*) die so schön und mühsam und vor allem in MENGEN eingefüllten Silikonabdeckungen rausgekratzt hab meine schöne rote Wand geföhnt und dies dürfte sich für die nächsten Wochen neben dem schon langweiligen Jammergegenstand 'chapter' zu einem neuen lustigen Hobby entwickeln.... bevor ich dann nach Anleitung meiner alten guten Freunde aus dem Bauhaus auf ein neues versuche nicht das Wasser mit dem Wein, aber in ähnlicher Alliteration die Wand mit der Wanne zu verbinden... und mit etwas Glück finden sich dazwischen (also zwischen Trocknung und Verklebung) Reste von weißer und roter Farbe um das ganze auch wieder gebührlich zu behübschen...
nun ja ... wie immer wenn ich von plänen meinerseits absolut überzeugt bin ...
jedenfalls hab ich heute den eigentlich eher meteorischen bestimmten Begriff der Föhnwand neu zu definieren begonnen, und hab, nachdem ich zuerst (bisher nur teilweise *stöhn*stöhn*ächz*) die so schön und mühsam und vor allem in MENGEN eingefüllten Silikonabdeckungen rausgekratzt hab meine schöne rote Wand geföhnt und dies dürfte sich für die nächsten Wochen neben dem schon langweiligen Jammergegenstand 'chapter' zu einem neuen lustigen Hobby entwickeln.... bevor ich dann nach Anleitung meiner alten guten Freunde aus dem Bauhaus auf ein neues versuche nicht das Wasser mit dem Wein, aber in ähnlicher Alliteration die Wand mit der Wanne zu verbinden... und mit etwas Glück finden sich dazwischen (also zwischen Trocknung und Verklebung) Reste von weißer und roter Farbe um das ganze auch wieder gebührlich zu behübschen...
7/30/2009
afraid of having crossed the fine line....
It is a truth universally acknowledged that I am a lucky bastard, always have been and always got by with it ... still I cannot help but - from an academic point of view - be afraid that I am crossing the fine line between lucky picks in my reading choice and merely reading into books what is currently convenient for my research .... because, honestly, how lucky can one be ... twice in a row in the search for bed-time and airplane and in-case-of-boredom-in-Austria and tanning-in-the-doorway-of-my-balcony read to pick novels which EXACTLY support a) my general thesis and b) perfectly fit the still in progress chapter writing to add easy lit-analysis pages to lengthen the written text in no time to an acceptable amount?!?
The two books in questions are Siri Hustvedt's The Sorrows of an American which is just as cosmopolitan, ordinary life focused, ethnic characters without being about ethnicity predominantly and dealing with the role of America in globalization or the effects of the latter on the first. Thus, if necessary - and has been suggested by one of my supervisors - providing perfect material to argue that although I research a case study of authors from so-defined ethnic heritage, my argument that this grouping is no longer relevant has already literary proof, in case I go for that line of argument. Because, Hustvedt, despite name and ancestors, I suspect is hardly considered an ethnic author, not least due to her marriage to Auster.
The other book I picked up after having for myself decided that due to prolonged stays of the author in the US and his cosmopolitan transmigrant biography as well as - most of all actually - that the book was published in North America and mostly reviewed there and even the pre-published short story the novel evolved from originally appeared in The Paris Review was North American enough to be included, even though the author currently relocated back to his native Lahore (Pakistan). I am talking about Mohsin Hamid's The Reluctant Fundamentalist. My current focus on globalization effects on individuals as reflected in literature has several examples for the precariousness of lives and experiences of lacking agency, but all these are kind of subchapters. Now, while Hamid's novel (no surprise with that title) will also figure in the fundamentalism-subchapter - though as both fitting the category and ironically subverting it - it is the one text perfect to enter the chapter in its criticism of American Imperialism and the (by its agents) hardly critically reflected financial markets' takeover of world power.
Of course I have conveniently found reviews of both books to substantiate my arguments .... yet given my selective reading of academic texts in general not for what they really are about but mostly for what I can use them - a trap I much too repeatedly find myself in - I figure that my readings of reviews is likely just as biased as my approach to the texts might be .... thus, while I of course will exploit both texts as outlined, I continue to hear the weary voice at the back of my head muttering that it wonders what this books would be about if anyone else read them.... so in case you have read any of them, talk to the voice! (for the thesis-writing-mind might not be listening)
The two books in questions are Siri Hustvedt's The Sorrows of an American which is just as cosmopolitan, ordinary life focused, ethnic characters without being about ethnicity predominantly and dealing with the role of America in globalization or the effects of the latter on the first. Thus, if necessary - and has been suggested by one of my supervisors - providing perfect material to argue that although I research a case study of authors from so-defined ethnic heritage, my argument that this grouping is no longer relevant has already literary proof, in case I go for that line of argument. Because, Hustvedt, despite name and ancestors, I suspect is hardly considered an ethnic author, not least due to her marriage to Auster.
The other book I picked up after having for myself decided that due to prolonged stays of the author in the US and his cosmopolitan transmigrant biography as well as - most of all actually - that the book was published in North America and mostly reviewed there and even the pre-published short story the novel evolved from originally appeared in The Paris Review was North American enough to be included, even though the author currently relocated back to his native Lahore (Pakistan). I am talking about Mohsin Hamid's The Reluctant Fundamentalist. My current focus on globalization effects on individuals as reflected in literature has several examples for the precariousness of lives and experiences of lacking agency, but all these are kind of subchapters. Now, while Hamid's novel (no surprise with that title) will also figure in the fundamentalism-subchapter - though as both fitting the category and ironically subverting it - it is the one text perfect to enter the chapter in its criticism of American Imperialism and the (by its agents) hardly critically reflected financial markets' takeover of world power.
Of course I have conveniently found reviews of both books to substantiate my arguments .... yet given my selective reading of academic texts in general not for what they really are about but mostly for what I can use them - a trap I much too repeatedly find myself in - I figure that my readings of reviews is likely just as biased as my approach to the texts might be .... thus, while I of course will exploit both texts as outlined, I continue to hear the weary voice at the back of my head muttering that it wonders what this books would be about if anyone else read them.... so in case you have read any of them, talk to the voice! (for the thesis-writing-mind might not be listening)
7/15/2009
seriously now! ...
Even co-organizing a small (but great) graduate conference with 14 colleagues can only serve as an excuse for imaginary much deserved / needed / (fill in the blanks) rest and procrastinating recreation ... even if each one of these lost days saw me pretending to be just about to start working on 5 fronts at once ...
though, I did spend some time indulging in 'beauty-stuff' and did make a quite eatable bananenschnitte yesterday for a barbecue party at a professor's house ... but there being already considerably less than 4 weeks to D-Chapter-Day today is the day - seriously now!! today I am heading off to the library and will only leave there when kicked out AND at least 3 pages of said chapter are written!
So got to get going, but will keep complaining and contemplating the possible lack of success and progress here, too...
For today I plan a rereading of some Appadurai and Butler and the analysis of a short story by Saleema Nawaz. (Oh, come on, to get into projects you have to start with picking raisins from the cake (- as a metaphor intended for raisin-likers!!))
though, I did spend some time indulging in 'beauty-stuff' and did make a quite eatable bananenschnitte yesterday for a barbecue party at a professor's house ... but there being already considerably less than 4 weeks to D-Chapter-Day today is the day - seriously now!! today I am heading off to the library and will only leave there when kicked out AND at least 3 pages of said chapter are written!
So got to get going, but will keep complaining and contemplating the possible lack of success and progress here, too...
For today I plan a rereading of some Appadurai and Butler and the analysis of a short story by Saleema Nawaz. (Oh, come on, to get into projects you have to start with picking raisins from the cake (- as a metaphor intended for raisin-likers!!))
7/05/2009
Pulp Fiction and Chick Lit - signifiers for the end of a struggle?
Don't judge a book by it's cover ... at least not always and especially not if the literature you are dealing with is prone to the orientalizing gaze of the Western literary market - as a nice talk by Mary Anne Mohanraj at last year's SALA in San Francisco comprehensively summarized. She was kind enough to put her results up on her page upon request.
And yes, I know that book titles - just like covers - are not primarily determined by authors - especially not new emerging voices. However, sometimes the combination of title and cover (very much in the line Mary Anne determined: only parts of female body clad in sari, redish-yellowish coloring) do tell all that is to say about a book. On the return flight from Boston I finished A Good Indian Wife - perfect airplane novel (though I picked it up at Barnes & Nobles). Because, really it is only pulp chick-lit, nothing there to help me in my thesis, but at least less awful than I found Marrying Anita which I have yet to finish, or maybe just not...
And then again - I am currently, though working on a different aspect and chapter of the thesis, trying to get my theoretical argument together (which has been challenged at the Dartmouth College "Futures of American Studies Institute") as to why diaspora is just no longer an adequate frame for cosmopolitan transnational transcultural writing by South Asian North Americans, and keep pondering whether the fact that the diasporic imaginary by now also serves as the backdrop of pulp fiction is not possibly along my lines.
These two novels (usualy within a few pages already) serve up all - I mean ALL - the exoticizing stereotypes the West has about Indians and the Indian diaspora in particular (along the "only those from your own culture can truly understand you"-kind of stuff): arranged marriages, spices and food, women finding a place for themselves, omnipresence of family ties and obligations and the displaced community sticking together, ....
So, I started thinking, whether not the very fact that the arguments, methods, themes and modes which gave voice and visibility to the South Asian diaspora in literature up to the early 1990s have now entered the realm of pulp fiction and chick-lit actually supports my argument. These are no longer critical points of view, but have entered the most uncritical of mainstream markets - which means they have lost all their potential of resistance and political voice. This is no longer about collective identity constructions, but simple a re-inscription of stagnant cultural assumptions.
The diasporic collective cultural identity as the backdrop of literature is actually signifying the pastness of the idea. I will have to find a more eloquent way to voice this, yet, but in addition to my array of theories from Althusser via Levinas to Lipsitz, Benn Michaels and Appadurai I think it will at least come in as a handy footnote in the discussion of consumerism and the global literary market. Except, if you think I am totally off track here! Then please let me know.
And yes, I know that book titles - just like covers - are not primarily determined by authors - especially not new emerging voices. However, sometimes the combination of title and cover (very much in the line Mary Anne determined: only parts of female body clad in sari, redish-yellowish coloring) do tell all that is to say about a book. On the return flight from Boston I finished A Good Indian Wife - perfect airplane novel (though I picked it up at Barnes & Nobles). Because, really it is only pulp chick-lit, nothing there to help me in my thesis, but at least less awful than I found Marrying Anita which I have yet to finish, or maybe just not...
And then again - I am currently, though working on a different aspect and chapter of the thesis, trying to get my theoretical argument together (which has been challenged at the Dartmouth College "Futures of American Studies Institute") as to why diaspora is just no longer an adequate frame for cosmopolitan transnational transcultural writing by South Asian North Americans, and keep pondering whether the fact that the diasporic imaginary by now also serves as the backdrop of pulp fiction is not possibly along my lines.
These two novels (usualy within a few pages already) serve up all - I mean ALL - the exoticizing stereotypes the West has about Indians and the Indian diaspora in particular (along the "only those from your own culture can truly understand you"-kind of stuff): arranged marriages, spices and food, women finding a place for themselves, omnipresence of family ties and obligations and the displaced community sticking together, ....
So, I started thinking, whether not the very fact that the arguments, methods, themes and modes which gave voice and visibility to the South Asian diaspora in literature up to the early 1990s have now entered the realm of pulp fiction and chick-lit actually supports my argument. These are no longer critical points of view, but have entered the most uncritical of mainstream markets - which means they have lost all their potential of resistance and political voice. This is no longer about collective identity constructions, but simple a re-inscription of stagnant cultural assumptions.
The diasporic collective cultural identity as the backdrop of literature is actually signifying the pastness of the idea. I will have to find a more eloquent way to voice this, yet, but in addition to my array of theories from Althusser via Levinas to Lipsitz, Benn Michaels and Appadurai I think it will at least come in as a handy footnote in the discussion of consumerism and the global literary market. Except, if you think I am totally off track here! Then please let me know.
7/02/2009
in the avoidance of real work
No, have no fear this is not yet another blog-entry listing my current procrastination activities - not much changed there.
I only loaded this page in order not to open a document to work on ... because the absurdity of my present condition is that I am very thrilled and excited because tomorrow - I decided - I really finally get to it and start my first chapter (to be handed in in 5 weeks?!?) .... But in order to do so I made a list of things to be completed before and that - strangely enough - is less exciting ...
Furthermore received a new tax statement and only owe 241 euro for 2008 - that was a pleasant surprise and is actually affordable - especially compared to the year before. And they also reduced my 2009 prepayment request from 4.190 to 0,-- not working and not being in Austria for 3 years helped here, I admit.
Oh and supported my 14-year old niece to practice civil disobedience in school and gave her instructions on how to do it. Not sure if that is morally sound, but my gut said go for it!
And a final note: I spent 12 USD on another set of really great buttons to sport! so look out for my pant legs - that's where they usually end up on at the moment. Favorites: "Fashionably Strange" "Not the brightest crayon in the box, are we" and "Now pull up your Big Girl Panties and deal with it." and have to make one (was sold out) with "When in doubt, mumble"
And now I will pull up my big girl panties and start dealing with my list....
I only loaded this page in order not to open a document to work on ... because the absurdity of my present condition is that I am very thrilled and excited because tomorrow - I decided - I really finally get to it and start my first chapter (to be handed in in 5 weeks?!?) .... But in order to do so I made a list of things to be completed before and that - strangely enough - is less exciting ...
Furthermore received a new tax statement and only owe 241 euro for 2008 - that was a pleasant surprise and is actually affordable - especially compared to the year before. And they also reduced my 2009 prepayment request from 4.190 to 0,-- not working and not being in Austria for 3 years helped here, I admit.
Oh and supported my 14-year old niece to practice civil disobedience in school and gave her instructions on how to do it. Not sure if that is morally sound, but my gut said go for it!
And a final note: I spent 12 USD on another set of really great buttons to sport! so look out for my pant legs - that's where they usually end up on at the moment. Favorites: "Fashionably Strange" "Not the brightest crayon in the box, are we" and "Now pull up your Big Girl Panties and deal with it." and have to make one (was sold out) with "When in doubt, mumble"
And now I will pull up my big girl panties and start dealing with my list....
6/21/2009
Immigration by Austen
apparently being away from people to actually converse with - stranded in lands of strangers- at least has the side effect of reanimating my blogging activities - as there is one more story to relate concerning my journey:
chatting with the immigration officer or "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single woman traveling to the US alone, must be in want of a green card."
Because, as always, I claimed to be here on tourist business only, so not to excite any suspicions connected to possible business activities if I mention the word conference or university summer school. Traveling all alone, without knowing anyone at the point of destination and being less then serious (see fully rested from the flight) raised a number of questions by the immigration officer.
Why Boston? - Well, that one I had covered: I study American studies and had not yet been to this cradle of the idea of America, an unpardonable neglect on my part, I thus intend to remedy (though answered in slightly less words). As I claimed I do not know anyone here - So you plan to find someone? - *laugh* Äh no, and anyway I am already married. - Then why is your husband not with you? - He did not get off work, and anyway, we are separated. - *puzzled look, unsure of whether that would possibly make me even more suspicious* - that's a loooong story you don't want to hear - *more suspicious puzzlement in those watery blue eyes* How much money do you carry? - About 9 US-dollars and slightly less than 20 Euros. - *shocked surprise added to puzzlement* Do you carry a *mumblemumblemubmle* - Sorry? - *even more suspicion* a credit card?! - Of course, and about 3 ATM cards. - Well .... ähm ... have a great stay. - Will do!
chatting with the immigration officer or "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single woman traveling to the US alone, must be in want of a green card."
Because, as always, I claimed to be here on tourist business only, so not to excite any suspicions connected to possible business activities if I mention the word conference or university summer school. Traveling all alone, without knowing anyone at the point of destination and being less then serious (see fully rested from the flight) raised a number of questions by the immigration officer.
Why Boston? - Well, that one I had covered: I study American studies and had not yet been to this cradle of the idea of America, an unpardonable neglect on my part, I thus intend to remedy (though answered in slightly less words). As I claimed I do not know anyone here - So you plan to find someone? - *laugh* Äh no, and anyway I am already married. - Then why is your husband not with you? - He did not get off work, and anyway, we are separated. - *puzzled look, unsure of whether that would possibly make me even more suspicious* - that's a loooong story you don't want to hear - *more suspicious puzzlement in those watery blue eyes* How much money do you carry? - About 9 US-dollars and slightly less than 20 Euros. - *shocked surprise added to puzzlement* Do you carry a *mumblemumblemubmle* - Sorry? - *even more suspicion* a credit card?! - Of course, and about 3 ATM cards. - Well .... ähm ... have a great stay. - Will do!
the way to travel
I am in strong favor of travel in sleep-deprived states ... tested recently on my return from Austria to Berlin I only was conscious for about 117 minutes of the almost 9 hour train ride - barely enough to change trains, fill my stomach with the extensive breakfast bought at Linz train station and in Leipzig, as always, switch to the opposite bench as it is a dead-end train station and would result in my facing backwards on the last leg of the ride ... not an option as everyone who ever moved even over a short distance in my company would know.
As I am also in strong favor of cheap traveling, I ended up booking a flight to Boston that left Berlin at 7.35 - not a bad time I thought at the time... once again (see my Vienna trip in November) not taking the be-at-the-airport-2-hours-before-departure-idea into account. However, as I also rather successfully wasted away the day(s) before departure in a really excessively nice way (including wonderful 3-dish-Indian-dinner at my place for my Iranian friends, as well as a last evening spent on the balcony immersed in a blanket and almost romantically inclined thoughts) I started cleaning the dishes (my mother suggested that a sink full of unwashed dishes could result in a significantly less pleasant return experience after a 10 day absence) and packing my bags at about 1 am .... thinking that I would just not sleep at all ... however, efficiency, you fickle mistress, I was absolutely finished by 2.48 and thus 52 minutes too early to shower and leave. Hooray, however, to my night-shift-working experiences, thanks to which I knew that I was capable of power-napping, so off to bed, 49 minutes of rest (with the lights kept on in the hall to make the transition easier).
And thus, I had the perfect Iberia flight to Boston one could imagine - in a state otherwise only approved for infants. Both times asleep before take-off I missed all of the Berlin-Madrid flight (no free food on that one anyway). And on the way to Boston could not even have been disappointed by the fact that it was one of these really old airbus models with only small and far-away shared screens for half the plane and those to be filled with two recent movies of which I would still be hard pressed to decide which was awful and which one was worse: "17 again" and "Pink Panther 2" - a fate, I was spared by my state. I woke up in time to claim my (quite edible) pasta lunch and coffee, to sleep (with the brief interruption of accepting my immigration forms) until dinner with coffee (apparently the Spanish airline coffee is no more effective than what I am fed since) to wake up to witness the amazing landing in Boston - as the airport is right at the sea, the plane seemingly grazing the ocean just before landing.
And not only are long distance flights less annoying (although I actually always like travel as much as arriving), it also prevents jetlag to start off with a totally disoriented body already!
Then again - living in a cheap (though acceptably clean and nice as well as well located) hostel possibly does little to enhance sleeping-in anyways.
As I am also in strong favor of cheap traveling, I ended up booking a flight to Boston that left Berlin at 7.35 - not a bad time I thought at the time... once again (see my Vienna trip in November) not taking the be-at-the-airport-2-hours-before-departure-idea into account. However, as I also rather successfully wasted away the day(s) before departure in a really excessively nice way (including wonderful 3-dish-Indian-dinner at my place for my Iranian friends, as well as a last evening spent on the balcony immersed in a blanket and almost romantically inclined thoughts) I started cleaning the dishes (my mother suggested that a sink full of unwashed dishes could result in a significantly less pleasant return experience after a 10 day absence) and packing my bags at about 1 am .... thinking that I would just not sleep at all ... however, efficiency, you fickle mistress, I was absolutely finished by 2.48 and thus 52 minutes too early to shower and leave. Hooray, however, to my night-shift-working experiences, thanks to which I knew that I was capable of power-napping, so off to bed, 49 minutes of rest (with the lights kept on in the hall to make the transition easier).
And thus, I had the perfect Iberia flight to Boston one could imagine - in a state otherwise only approved for infants. Both times asleep before take-off I missed all of the Berlin-Madrid flight (no free food on that one anyway). And on the way to Boston could not even have been disappointed by the fact that it was one of these really old airbus models with only small and far-away shared screens for half the plane and those to be filled with two recent movies of which I would still be hard pressed to decide which was awful and which one was worse: "17 again" and "Pink Panther 2" - a fate, I was spared by my state. I woke up in time to claim my (quite edible) pasta lunch and coffee, to sleep (with the brief interruption of accepting my immigration forms) until dinner with coffee (apparently the Spanish airline coffee is no more effective than what I am fed since) to wake up to witness the amazing landing in Boston - as the airport is right at the sea, the plane seemingly grazing the ocean just before landing.
And not only are long distance flights less annoying (although I actually always like travel as much as arriving), it also prevents jetlag to start off with a totally disoriented body already!
Then again - living in a cheap (though acceptably clean and nice as well as well located) hostel possibly does little to enhance sleeping-in anyways.
4/30/2009
eine bootsfahrt die ist .... well...
What is the hardest part in kayaking?
a) just paddle straight ahead
b) not to drown
c) to get into the boat
d) to hold the boat with your knees
e) to get out of the boat
f) not freeze in April-cold Wannsee
g) not be eaten by the mosquitoes during clean-up
well, if g does not really count as it is post-kayaking work I must confess: while I had suspected this question to have multiple answers all the way from b to f, actually it is not a multiple choice question at all and the only answer is a!
I had my first kayaking class last night and I think I am going to love it - because the water was already surprisingly pleasant, temperature-wise and also there was, of course (!) no full body water contact yet; and being on the water while the sun sets on the other shore and paddling away is really fun - ONLY the away part of my (and many of colleagues'!) paddling is not yet under control and thus we basically spiral our ways around the Wannsee in not quite pirouette-stile gracefulness.
a) just paddle straight ahead
b) not to drown
c) to get into the boat
d) to hold the boat with your knees
e) to get out of the boat
f) not freeze in April-cold Wannsee
g) not be eaten by the mosquitoes during clean-up
well, if g does not really count as it is post-kayaking work I must confess: while I had suspected this question to have multiple answers all the way from b to f, actually it is not a multiple choice question at all and the only answer is a!
I had my first kayaking class last night and I think I am going to love it - because the water was already surprisingly pleasant, temperature-wise and also there was, of course (!) no full body water contact yet; and being on the water while the sun sets on the other shore and paddling away is really fun - ONLY the away part of my (and many of colleagues'!) paddling is not yet under control and thus we basically spiral our ways around the Wannsee in not quite pirouette-stile gracefulness.
4/19/2009
Austria's impending financial disaster and my unpaid taxes
My interdisciplinary seminar on 'neoliberalism and the US' last week started off with a reading assignment of 3 chapters of Paul Krugmann's 2002 book The Conscience of a Liberal (and by being outed as "coming from Vienna, äh.. Austria I mean" after being the ONLY one about whose origin the teacher inquired - and the class being held in English it should not be due to my 'cute' accent....)
Since then (me of course not being familiar with the name Krugmann before... ignorance, it may be noted, is not necessarily bliss, especially not if present to the extent I usually display) much has happened and been treated in a classical Austrian manner:
Paul Krugmann allegedly claimed - in an address at Princeton University - that in the course of the current global economic crisis Austria was one of the countries most definitely heading towards national bankruptcy due to its generous credit-spending in East European countries. (Actually, there was a comment in this direction in the q&a period, when Krugmann mentioned that, after Ireland and Iceland, Austria was the European country who will likely suffer severely from the economic crisis in the time to come as many Eastern European countries experiencing currency issues might not be able to repay their credits, but he did not predict or does not see Austria to be doomed - see also his blog).
But, what is far more fascinating than what Krugman said or how he reacts to reactions are these reactions because in all their fervor they are such a tragically exquisite image of the Austrian Volksseele. Whenever, it seems, anyone who not only possesses the authority but also the data to substance his/her claim makes an utterance that sounds at least faintly critical of any Austrian issue - especially if it is not only dead on but possibly also addressing an issue 'we' are all too aware of - the whole country rushes into full defence mode:
Step 1: Blow the utterance totally out of proportion, first by the state media corporation ORF, immediately followed by the two really bad tabloids constantly battling for the label: "most news least based on reality"
Step 2: Political and other (relevant) "Authorities", using the Austrian media reports rather than the original source for background information, rush into full defense mode, usually by diverting attention from the actual issue and by trying to discredit the criticizer.
Usually (especially if the truth of the original statement should soon prove to be impossible to conceal any longer and especially if anyone should then dare to mutter (even under their breaths) 'told you so') these are followed by:
Step 3: "We definitely do not need some self-appointed someone for something to tell us how to run our affairs" - attitude paired with hostility towards possible well-meaning attempts of trying to extend a helping hand.
Step 4: If then both critics and well-wishers turn away from 'us' annoyed and (honestly) also because this small speck that looks like a fallen shriveled pear is just not important enough to hold international attention for more than a half-day, 'WE' actually turn from them - as we don't need anyone! definitely!
Step 5: Keep a low profile, pretend nothing ever happened, ingrain the we-did-not-do-anything(-wrong)-attitude in the collective identity and wait till the whole thing blows over, as it will soon enough (see 4).
Well, can't wait for this week's class, because I am pretty sure I will be taken for the authentic Austrian voice in class and be asked about the topic ... great! my little self in a discussion on international economics... I mean, people, there is a reason I am in literature! (Actually, one of the most treasured compliments I ever received was upon entering the University of Economics in Vienna in my 5th semester there (yes, I went there, too!!) dressed in an ankle length bright purple dress, meeting someone (in proper attire, of course) from my English class, who starred me up and down, exhaling: "You obviously so do not belong here" - end of digression).
BUT: Despair not - dearest country mine! Your situation is a lot less grave than anticipated!! Because, I have outstanding taxes to pay for two years. *schluck*
And this is dealt with beautifully at the moment - one more example of our efficient bureaucracy. My Göttergatte informed me that there had been an attempt to deliver an RSA-letter to me. That means most official letter possible (also used for the persecution of criminals, I assume). There is RSA and RSB - format of official letters. While RSB can also be collected by someone related to you (and by proving several things or so) RSA can ONLY and EXCLUSIVELY be collected by the addressee, which is a little difficult if you live mere 9 hours away.... (train-time that is). However, while no one can get the letter, Stefan could go LOOK AT it - and this way find out that our tax authorities were trying to send me some greetings. Thus, I called them (already suspecting my non-declared 2007 taxes to having originated this communication). After only 3 times being redirected within the office (though the first contact proved difficult as she wanted to know why I called - because someone from your office sent me an RSA - we send many RSA, I have no idea which department, you need to be more specific - I can't, because I live abroad and thus cannot find out what is in the letter - but without knowing the content, what do you want - I want to know the content - get the letter then - I cant, I live abroad .... - .... - .... - do you want my social security number so you could look up my file and maybe find out? - No - ähm? - what is your last name - (gave my name) - starting with D? - yes - then you 'belong' to the a-d department. Just a moment, I put you through. (!!!!?!)
But the A-D department tried to be helpful (though utterly slow - especially in the speech act. If the two guys there would not have been Austrian civil servants already, they could make a terrific career in some bio-supermarket, where complete body-deceleration is unfortunately but apparently a pre-condition for employment). I immediately (with the second person that is) got the information, that as i never declared my taxes for 2007, they now estimated them and sent me the result and due-payment information. Yes, we always send that by RSA, it is important personal information. No, I could not send it RSB, that is not done. No, we cannot send it to an address abroad. Of course, you can appeal this estimate. You have until Mid-May. - But, I cannot get the letter before summer when I am next in Vienna, thus cannot know what to appeal. - Well, if the letter is not collected and returned to us, we eventually (after sending other RSAs) will start legal prosecution - meaning I will be hunted for tax evasion, made more severe by my relocation abroad....
You see, we had a very *lösungsorientiert* (solution oriented) conversation placing us, within not even 2 minutes, squarely back into frame 1: I cannot collect your RSA letter because I now live abroad.
So after having discussed and eliminated all regulated options for their impracticality this clerk suddenly asks: 'Do you have access to an e-mail address?" - OF COURSE!!! 3 at least! "Oh, then just write me a quick note, and I will just send you your estimated tax report as pdf by mail." (took less than 7 minutes to get the whole thing - and now takes only 1 more weekend to come up with my real tax reports and appeal)
The beauty of modern technology is less its actual speed than the advance (speed wise) it has on regulations of how to use it in the Austrian system. Unfortunately their estimation was not far off reality, and thus - although I will try to claim a lot more expenses etc - I am likely looking at back taxes that will eat up the 'generous'-part of my scholarship for all 2.5 years still to come ...
Since then (me of course not being familiar with the name Krugmann before... ignorance, it may be noted, is not necessarily bliss, especially not if present to the extent I usually display) much has happened and been treated in a classical Austrian manner:
Paul Krugmann allegedly claimed - in an address at Princeton University - that in the course of the current global economic crisis Austria was one of the countries most definitely heading towards national bankruptcy due to its generous credit-spending in East European countries. (Actually, there was a comment in this direction in the q&a period, when Krugmann mentioned that, after Ireland and Iceland, Austria was the European country who will likely suffer severely from the economic crisis in the time to come as many Eastern European countries experiencing currency issues might not be able to repay their credits, but he did not predict or does not see Austria to be doomed - see also his blog).
But, what is far more fascinating than what Krugman said or how he reacts to reactions are these reactions because in all their fervor they are such a tragically exquisite image of the Austrian Volksseele. Whenever, it seems, anyone who not only possesses the authority but also the data to substance his/her claim makes an utterance that sounds at least faintly critical of any Austrian issue - especially if it is not only dead on but possibly also addressing an issue 'we' are all too aware of - the whole country rushes into full defence mode:
Step 1: Blow the utterance totally out of proportion, first by the state media corporation ORF, immediately followed by the two really bad tabloids constantly battling for the label: "most news least based on reality"
Step 2: Political and other (relevant) "Authorities", using the Austrian media reports rather than the original source for background information, rush into full defense mode, usually by diverting attention from the actual issue and by trying to discredit the criticizer.
Usually (especially if the truth of the original statement should soon prove to be impossible to conceal any longer and especially if anyone should then dare to mutter (even under their breaths) 'told you so') these are followed by:
Step 3: "We definitely do not need some self-appointed someone for something to tell us how to run our affairs" - attitude paired with hostility towards possible well-meaning attempts of trying to extend a helping hand.
Step 4: If then both critics and well-wishers turn away from 'us' annoyed and (honestly) also because this small speck that looks like a fallen shriveled pear is just not important enough to hold international attention for more than a half-day, 'WE' actually turn from them - as we don't need anyone! definitely!
Step 5: Keep a low profile, pretend nothing ever happened, ingrain the we-did-not-do-anything(-wrong)-attitude in the collective identity and wait till the whole thing blows over, as it will soon enough (see 4).
Well, can't wait for this week's class, because I am pretty sure I will be taken for the authentic Austrian voice in class and be asked about the topic ... great! my little self in a discussion on international economics... I mean, people, there is a reason I am in literature! (Actually, one of the most treasured compliments I ever received was upon entering the University of Economics in Vienna in my 5th semester there (yes, I went there, too!!) dressed in an ankle length bright purple dress, meeting someone (in proper attire, of course) from my English class, who starred me up and down, exhaling: "You obviously so do not belong here" - end of digression).
BUT: Despair not - dearest country mine! Your situation is a lot less grave than anticipated!! Because, I have outstanding taxes to pay for two years. *schluck*
And this is dealt with beautifully at the moment - one more example of our efficient bureaucracy. My Göttergatte informed me that there had been an attempt to deliver an RSA-letter to me. That means most official letter possible (also used for the persecution of criminals, I assume). There is RSA and RSB - format of official letters. While RSB can also be collected by someone related to you (and by proving several things or so) RSA can ONLY and EXCLUSIVELY be collected by the addressee, which is a little difficult if you live mere 9 hours away.... (train-time that is). However, while no one can get the letter, Stefan could go LOOK AT it - and this way find out that our tax authorities were trying to send me some greetings. Thus, I called them (already suspecting my non-declared 2007 taxes to having originated this communication). After only 3 times being redirected within the office (though the first contact proved difficult as she wanted to know why I called - because someone from your office sent me an RSA - we send many RSA, I have no idea which department, you need to be more specific - I can't, because I live abroad and thus cannot find out what is in the letter - but without knowing the content, what do you want - I want to know the content - get the letter then - I cant, I live abroad .... - .... - .... - do you want my social security number so you could look up my file and maybe find out? - No - ähm? - what is your last name - (gave my name) - starting with D? - yes - then you 'belong' to the a-d department. Just a moment, I put you through. (!!!!?!)
But the A-D department tried to be helpful (though utterly slow - especially in the speech act. If the two guys there would not have been Austrian civil servants already, they could make a terrific career in some bio-supermarket, where complete body-deceleration is unfortunately but apparently a pre-condition for employment). I immediately (with the second person that is) got the information, that as i never declared my taxes for 2007, they now estimated them and sent me the result and due-payment information. Yes, we always send that by RSA, it is important personal information. No, I could not send it RSB, that is not done. No, we cannot send it to an address abroad. Of course, you can appeal this estimate. You have until Mid-May. - But, I cannot get the letter before summer when I am next in Vienna, thus cannot know what to appeal. - Well, if the letter is not collected and returned to us, we eventually (after sending other RSAs) will start legal prosecution - meaning I will be hunted for tax evasion, made more severe by my relocation abroad....
You see, we had a very *lösungsorientiert* (solution oriented) conversation placing us, within not even 2 minutes, squarely back into frame 1: I cannot collect your RSA letter because I now live abroad.
So after having discussed and eliminated all regulated options for their impracticality this clerk suddenly asks: 'Do you have access to an e-mail address?" - OF COURSE!!! 3 at least! "Oh, then just write me a quick note, and I will just send you your estimated tax report as pdf by mail." (took less than 7 minutes to get the whole thing - and now takes only 1 more weekend to come up with my real tax reports and appeal)
The beauty of modern technology is less its actual speed than the advance (speed wise) it has on regulations of how to use it in the Austrian system. Unfortunately their estimation was not far off reality, and thus - although I will try to claim a lot more expenses etc - I am likely looking at back taxes that will eat up the 'generous'-part of my scholarship for all 2.5 years still to come ...
3/28/2009
three cheers for fischer-fix-it-pads
heute mal wieder aus der beliebten Serie: Die Frau und das Gewürzregal - a success story! Weil auch wenn drei der Bohrlöcher ausgerissen sind - mit insgesamt 4 fischer-fix-it-pads ist das überhaupt kein problem! Und jetzt Gewürze in 2 Reihen!
Oh, und beim Friseur gewesen endlich ... falls euch also wo ein brav-mädchen-kopf-der-den-helm-nicht-abgenommen-hat entgegen kommt, das könnte ich sein! Lass mir nämlich ja mal wieder die Haare wachsen, vielleicht....
And: The status of 'gray' moved from 'noted presence' to 'visible minority'
Oh, und beim Friseur gewesen endlich ... falls euch also wo ein brav-mädchen-kopf-der-den-helm-nicht-abgenommen-hat entgegen kommt, das könnte ich sein! Lass mir nämlich ja mal wieder die Haare wachsen, vielleicht....
And: The status of 'gray' moved from 'noted presence' to 'visible minority'
3/27/2009
South Asians everywhere!
Ok, on the outset lets once again state: I DON'T DO MUSIC .... so this is maybe really only surprising 'news' for me and no one else... and even the news part of the ethnic origin of a celebrity long dead is questionable... but I just found out that there is a distinctive South Asian component to Austrofred (mit dem ich ja die Volks- und Hauptschulbänke gedrückt habe ... unter großem Amüsement)! Farrokh Bulsara! I know, I am naive and uninformed, but this really is new to me and rather funny :) and I love the name Farrokh! And he loved Lata Mangeshkar - all the more reason to be thrilled in this current exercise of procrastination.
3/19/2009
oh ... the deliciousness of 'p'
Just having a rather unusual dinner - as in total I realized that I completely changed my eating habits and cooking activities since living alone... have hardly ever any of the foods I used to regularly eat in Vienna - for no known reason except maybe a bit of cooking lazyness and a lot of new-found rice addiction. As for today's food - that at least would fit into familiar Vienna patterns of nerdiness because all foods start with 'p' (be assured: alphabetic eating can never be wrong!) Today it's pistachiorice and papaya - never had either before, but they ended up on my dinner table together and are here to stay - metaphorically speaking, as literally speaking they are already gone, save for a last few spoonfuls of rice ... oh and the pistachios were persian! extra personal import and another 'p'
3/10/2009
shopping time
if you are not seriously given to alcoholism but the only thing your fridge sports in sufficient quantities is alcohol it is time for grocery shopping (and some bathroom supplies while at it). Just realized that even my staple supply - breakfast food - has come down to one and a half uninspired varieties (out of milk and fruit)...
But had great Iranian rice-lentil-meat dish for dinner yesterday - because (lucky for me) Javad's laptop refused his advances and would not let him log-in. And self-appointed busybody I claimed I could help ... I did (with rist's help) set up the wireless connection - although I think the mistake I first had was not the PPPoE because I found that preset anyway I think, but that I had not exited the set-up wizard yet and thus the system maybe had not yet saved the configurations... However, as for Javad's computer he had isolated the issue already, found a web-guide to help us, realized where I (only cursorily reading the guidelines) went wrong, corrected me and the only think I actually did was read dos-commands for him ... eat a lot of great food, lie around on their floor, chat away, feel very comfy and only reluctantly ran to get the last train back into town....
Of course, we got hardly any reading done and today is dentist day again... but maybe after having my tooth refilled with medicine and then enjoying the Turkish grocery store I might still maybe possibly head to the library?!?
But had great Iranian rice-lentil-meat dish for dinner yesterday - because (lucky for me) Javad's laptop refused his advances and would not let him log-in. And self-appointed busybody I claimed I could help ... I did (with rist's help) set up the wireless connection - although I think the mistake I first had was not the PPPoE because I found that preset anyway I think, but that I had not exited the set-up wizard yet and thus the system maybe had not yet saved the configurations... However, as for Javad's computer he had isolated the issue already, found a web-guide to help us, realized where I (only cursorily reading the guidelines) went wrong, corrected me and the only think I actually did was read dos-commands for him ... eat a lot of great food, lie around on their floor, chat away, feel very comfy and only reluctantly ran to get the last train back into town....
Of course, we got hardly any reading done and today is dentist day again... but maybe after having my tooth refilled with medicine and then enjoying the Turkish grocery store I might still maybe possibly head to the library?!?
3/09/2009
a world that doesn't want me to change...
started my work-week (as yesterday was make-up-for-previous-slackness-day) with bravery and finally opened the e-mail subjected 'reminder' ... and here is what was in there:
"I hope you are all well and able to enjoy what I hope will soon be a nice and sunny spring. Not that we have seen much of it yet in Germany. Since we are currently having a term break here, we are eager to make progress on the publication of the conference proceedings. I would therefore like to ask you to submit your contributions to the volume by mid-April at the latest or, if you should have decided against sending us your article, to please let us know." Another month! yeah! or rather ... damn immediately my finally kicked-in stress level subsided again....
but the funniest part of it all was the list of recipients: not only were all three of the group I hang out with during the conference (looong and very tasty whiskey nights) on that list, but - not unexpected - my former boss as well... thus, at least the impending danger of being just like him should keep me on my toes...
"I hope you are all well and able to enjoy what I hope will soon be a nice and sunny spring. Not that we have seen much of it yet in Germany. Since we are currently having a term break here, we are eager to make progress on the publication of the conference proceedings. I would therefore like to ask you to submit your contributions to the volume by mid-April at the latest or, if you should have decided against sending us your article, to please let us know." Another month! yeah! or rather ... damn immediately my finally kicked-in stress level subsided again....
but the funniest part of it all was the list of recipients: not only were all three of the group I hang out with during the conference (looong and very tasty whiskey nights) on that list, but - not unexpected - my former boss as well... thus, at least the impending danger of being just like him should keep me on my toes...
3/08/2009
...desperate measures...
desperate situations call for desperate measures ... which landed me in the library on sunday morning - though already 1 hour later than hoped for ... but as nothing got written yesterday and I still have not opened the 'reminder' e-mail received friday (oh yes - chicken! that's right!) and the next overdue deadlines are already swooshing by... maybe I should at some point try and get professional help ? not for the writing! for the life-running :)
3/06/2009
on myself as an academic life-form
two insights on my little academic strugglings
1. the academic world and life-form is probably by now the only one where I will ever be able to almost function ... because nowhere else is the idea of a deadline rather perceived as a vague temporal guideline than a rule to be obeyed or even an inclusion/exclusion factor. (i.e. the answer I got this morning after announcing another due-paper's-late-by-at-least-3-weeks-arrival for mid-march: "That's fine. No Problem, Asha." Although, the same day also saw the arrival of a yet unopened e-mail with the subject 'Reminder' ... but then again, I had promised that paper for mid-January and am thoroughly ashamed of myself AGAIN
2. Just realized one reason why I am so totally stuck in this essay (for which the kind reminder is intended) ... because a lot of readings and discussions over the last weeks also lead to a total re-evaluation of my phd-project and the theory I could base it on - all of which is only in the very beginning stages of being researched by me (i.e. most things I just heard about but have not yet read myself) - thus the paper I gave at that conference in July is really no longer what I want to submit ... but in rewriting and restructuring I catch myself in trying to get my whole (yet undeveloped) argument into 15 pages and still analyse 2 books of short stories and try to make sense at least to myself. But, realization is not always the first step to solve a problem .... because what I want to say about these short stories is exactly based on these changed premises of my PhD project ...
and finally the usual update on procrastination activities: as I am back on facebook, my procrastinating life (and as I am still new to my new playtool) has become almost hectic with commenting, checking, wall-writing, ... thus too little blogging recently but hope that gets better again, because facebook really is to public to put myself out there!
1. the academic world and life-form is probably by now the only one where I will ever be able to almost function ... because nowhere else is the idea of a deadline rather perceived as a vague temporal guideline than a rule to be obeyed or even an inclusion/exclusion factor. (i.e. the answer I got this morning after announcing another due-paper's-late-by-at-least-3-weeks-arrival for mid-march: "That's fine. No Problem, Asha." Although, the same day also saw the arrival of a yet unopened e-mail with the subject 'Reminder' ... but then again, I had promised that paper for mid-January and am thoroughly ashamed of myself AGAIN
2. Just realized one reason why I am so totally stuck in this essay (for which the kind reminder is intended) ... because a lot of readings and discussions over the last weeks also lead to a total re-evaluation of my phd-project and the theory I could base it on - all of which is only in the very beginning stages of being researched by me (i.e. most things I just heard about but have not yet read myself) - thus the paper I gave at that conference in July is really no longer what I want to submit ... but in rewriting and restructuring I catch myself in trying to get my whole (yet undeveloped) argument into 15 pages and still analyse 2 books of short stories and try to make sense at least to myself. But, realization is not always the first step to solve a problem .... because what I want to say about these short stories is exactly based on these changed premises of my PhD project ...
and finally the usual update on procrastination activities: as I am back on facebook, my procrastinating life (and as I am still new to my new playtool) has become almost hectic with commenting, checking, wall-writing, ... thus too little blogging recently but hope that gets better again, because facebook really is to public to put myself out there!
3/03/2009
another reason to like canadian's approaches to
in this case the arts and politics:
Yann Martel getting the Prime Minister to be still and read or so it can only be hoped, but like the idea
Yann Martel getting the Prime Minister to be still and read or so it can only be hoped, but like the idea
and then again - am I really cut out for this...
While the appeal of literary language is undiminished, my continued struggle with academic writing at some points makes me wonder.... points like encountering sentences like: "There is no real alternative between Spinoza and Hegel" - and my trouble does not root in disagreeing or agreeing with the statement but with my lack of knowledge to do either or even form a third opinion beyond the grammatical of whether one could really talk of an 'alternative between' ... would alternative not per se imply the notion of 'beyond' .... (so yes, at least Luita's class on writing shows impact)
3/02/2009
'Even Things That Are True Can Be Proved' Even They?
This line from Agha Shahid Ali's poem "By Exiles" from his terrific collection of Ghazals "Call Me Ishmael Tonight" - any questions why I had to buy that one? - served as the title of a conference presentation last summer and I love it ... still... and too much... because now that I finally and seriously sat down to write that essay (slightly overdue since November...) I would so like to keep the title but it throws me into constant conundrum of how to argue it - especially as I combine it with other lines of the poem ... and, as if this would not eat enough of my time and hirnschmalz I find the whole paper given then just unorganized, horrible and unusable for the essay I should construct from it ... and yes, it is one of those papers I wrote on the train and the night before presentation, and no, I am not really surprised....
But apart from a few useable paragraphs I might be better of writing just a plain new essay with ideas collected since then... oh and of course the few books I would need to check sources and quotes are all out until the end of the month ... and I have decided that I would write this essay this week, definitely! (and I mean that in the real and not the ed-ed sense of the word).
My Monday motivation is wearing thin ...
But apart from a few useable paragraphs I might be better of writing just a plain new essay with ideas collected since then... oh and of course the few books I would need to check sources and quotes are all out until the end of the month ... and I have decided that I would write this essay this week, definitely! (and I mean that in the real and not the ed-ed sense of the word).
My Monday motivation is wearing thin ...
2/28/2009
Springtime for ... (ähm) ... me and Germany
I admit, some (or most) might think I am delusionally optimistic, but life is all about being prepared! (...ok, yes that is a weird statement coming from the queen of 'das geht sich alles aus' 'das haben wir noch immer so gemacht' and 'a bissi spontane flexibilität, mehr brauchts ned') But I have always been the glass-is-almost-full-person (more about that in a second) and so I went to IKEA and Baumarkt (yes again) and bought myself a nice, cheap chair for many coming hours of reading and cocktail slurping on my balcony! Because yesterday it was nice and sunny, the weather report mentioned up to 8-10 degrees plus, and at 9 this morning (when i finally exited my beloved bed) I was practically blinded by the sun streaming into my 5 bedroom windows... And thus I am happily prepared for a spring which can only be just around the corner, if even that far, I am sure! Even if my glass - on the short bike tour from Ikea to my home, was once more filled almost to the brink with icy rain and I did at one point almost consider buttoning my spring jacket ...
Furthermore there was a IKEA family invitation for some marketing activity these weeks and as this is about the only family I am a real member of around here, of course I went and collected my free 'Jausenbrett' and participated in the 1000 euro raffle... because I am sure that the guy at the self-service-cashier who collected my ticket and put it into his pant pocket after folding it to matchbox size will not just throw it away...
Furthermore there was a IKEA family invitation for some marketing activity these weeks and as this is about the only family I am a real member of around here, of course I went and collected my free 'Jausenbrett' and participated in the 1000 euro raffle... because I am sure that the guy at the self-service-cashier who collected my ticket and put it into his pant pocket after folding it to matchbox size will not just throw it away...
2/26/2009
On actual, real supervisors
Well, some of you out there might think, well of course, or what is the issue here? a pleasant, very friendly talk with a very interested professor who exchanges general pleasantries and then goes with you through the proposed structure of your thesis, comments on your problems, raises other problems you might encounter or what you will have to do and how and what concepts to maybe read up on for specific issues ... isn't that just the common definition of 'supervisor'?
But for me this still is a totally new experience after having stumbled into paradise ... So my anticipated meeting went very well, we talked about settling in Berlin, in the grad school, the conference preparations and finally came to the new structure of my dissertation I put together this week and she gave encouragement, agreed with much of it, gave additional suggestions for reading, contested one of the critics I will use but we nicely argued it/him (How to use Walter Benn Michaels without agreeing with him on more than the most general level of his argument). Then she (unfortunately) assured me that given my selection of texts I will have to get into gender debates, especially in connection with 'the exotic' and with the literary market... so one more field I have to open up for myself... and as I have so much trouble with collective identities, I will now start looking a bit in the direction of communitarianism... thus really productive and nice chat...
realization1: on the long run we will have serious difficulties with each other, if she should continue to be that nice, because i will need someone to kick me, as we all know, but then again, I think (and have heard) that she is professional and tough, thus the kicking will be provided, I suppose, as the need arises
realization2: In the course of throwing out my papercup and napkin after a chai to go at the Villa I also threw out my printouts for the meeting ... on which I also had made notes during the same meeting.... how dumb can one be??? Well, as we are assured here constantly - we are distinguished by excellence, which in my case is just in a different field apparently ...
But for me this still is a totally new experience after having stumbled into paradise ... So my anticipated meeting went very well, we talked about settling in Berlin, in the grad school, the conference preparations and finally came to the new structure of my dissertation I put together this week and she gave encouragement, agreed with much of it, gave additional suggestions for reading, contested one of the critics I will use but we nicely argued it/him (How to use Walter Benn Michaels without agreeing with him on more than the most general level of his argument). Then she (unfortunately) assured me that given my selection of texts I will have to get into gender debates, especially in connection with 'the exotic' and with the literary market... so one more field I have to open up for myself... and as I have so much trouble with collective identities, I will now start looking a bit in the direction of communitarianism... thus really productive and nice chat...
realization1: on the long run we will have serious difficulties with each other, if she should continue to be that nice, because i will need someone to kick me, as we all know, but then again, I think (and have heard) that she is professional and tough, thus the kicking will be provided, I suppose, as the need arises
realization2: In the course of throwing out my papercup and napkin after a chai to go at the Villa I also threw out my printouts for the meeting ... on which I also had made notes during the same meeting.... how dumb can one be??? Well, as we are assured here constantly - we are distinguished by excellence, which in my case is just in a different field apparently ...
2/23/2009
the beauty of literature
Currently analyzing or taking closer looks at Saleema Nawaz Mother Superior short story collection - which is a recommendation all along! One of the stories - "The Beater" - is one of the very rare examples I know where an attempt at second person singular narrative voice actually works. The story opens with a memory of the paranoid mother who thinks that the husband (who used to beat her and thus she left him and 3 kids) had found her and was following.
“You stumble to keep up, legs trembling. You’re three, and fear is contagious.”
It is sentences like this that reassure me about being in the right field.
“You stumble to keep up, legs trembling. You’re three, and fear is contagious.”
It is sentences like this that reassure me about being in the right field.
this winner takes it all...
And the Oscars go to: Slumdog Millionaire
This really great film won 8 Oscars and although it was nominated for 10 it actually did only not get one of the nominations because THE god of Bollywood music, A. R. Rehman was running as his own competitor as he was twice nominated for best song.
The only thing I would have to complain about - concerning the Hollywood lobby - is that although the overall achievement of this movie was acknowledged in many of the major categories, it is also telling that none of the actors was even nominated - because in that respect Hollywood apparently still needs to protegee their own only. I would need to research that but I would not be surprised is this was the first time that a movie was nominated (and won) every major award without any of the actors even being nominated. How can a movie have such an impact if the acting itself were not also great?
The bollywood media is happy and just as watching this film with Carola on the first day of the year in San Francisco triggered off a really good year, I hope these news on Monday morning will trigger a really good week.
Go watch the movie! (and remember: It is peanut butter and chocolate...)
This really great film won 8 Oscars and although it was nominated for 10 it actually did only not get one of the nominations because THE god of Bollywood music, A. R. Rehman was running as his own competitor as he was twice nominated for best song.
The only thing I would have to complain about - concerning the Hollywood lobby - is that although the overall achievement of this movie was acknowledged in many of the major categories, it is also telling that none of the actors was even nominated - because in that respect Hollywood apparently still needs to protegee their own only. I would need to research that but I would not be surprised is this was the first time that a movie was nominated (and won) every major award without any of the actors even being nominated. How can a movie have such an impact if the acting itself were not also great?
The bollywood media is happy and just as watching this film with Carola on the first day of the year in San Francisco triggered off a really good year, I hope these news on Monday morning will trigger a really good week.
Go watch the movie! (and remember: It is peanut butter and chocolate...)
2/21/2009
tax-weekend it seems
doing backlog of tax-issues - tax report for 2007 (by now I have sorted and glued and filed almost all bills...which in between made for a nice image because I was literally surrounded by bills and papers - sitting on the floor arranging all items by date in a 12 piles circle around me), church tax, letters to social security companies, still to do: finalize 2007 report, do everything on 2008 report - and in the course of doing so also collect all bills on renovation expenses for a healthy shock experience in overspening... cancel memberships at Denzel drive, and fully terminate my 'business' in Austria.
Happy event: found my income tax report of 2006 in the last box of papers to sort and file.... and apparently have some 'guthaben' for 2008 income tax - which will be very much needed too... afraid of upcoming back-tax-request...
if anyone should be expecting mail from me - please be patient a bit longer ... taxes are not good for the head and I really am too totally uncreative to pen even a nice one-liner
Happy event: found my income tax report of 2006 in the last box of papers to sort and file.... and apparently have some 'guthaben' for 2008 income tax - which will be very much needed too... afraid of upcoming back-tax-request...
if anyone should be expecting mail from me - please be patient a bit longer ... taxes are not good for the head and I really am too totally uncreative to pen even a nice one-liner
2/18/2009
the fascination of the lower arm
have you ever observed how finger movements activate your lower arm? I am currently fascinated by that ... in sitting position put your right hand on your left shoulder and the ellbow on the table in front of you so your eyes watch your lower arm. Now start drumming on your shoulder with our fingers - index to small. all of them or individual ones... I think t'is fascinating how the arm flexes and moves ... and yes I am still in the library and still trying to read Judith Butler's reading of Levina's idea of the 'face' and our killing instincts ... so forgive me for getting a little weird ...
2/17/2009
being good girls
Day One of our new productive life: azadeh and I are actually in the library at the FU - the so-called 'brain' due to its shape and already really productive. We are planning on doing that now 3 days a week for 5 hours each at least ...
so far I started into a book I got only this morning: Walter Benn Michaels "the Trouble with Diversity" - not only is he perfect for my argument and very interesting and thought provoking and useful, but the introduction at least was also hilariously funny written - as far as academic texts go. He is witty, ironic and has his thumb right on the problem of society - which is that we love ethnicities and talking about identities because we are so afraid of talking about class and actual social inequality - because that would mean we need to act and redistribute and restructure while on diversity we so nicely managed to agree and just have to accept difference but not redistribute real wealth. His argument, of course, is a lot more complex already in the introduction, but that is the major issue he then discusses on several levels and problems.
Fitting into how I want to use Michaels for my thesis is Butler's arguments on the precariousness of lifes which she outlined in her talk earlier this month and which I am now also reading up on in her 2004 published collection of five post 9/11 essays on the topic.
So I think that I will come up with an argument where I think society and cultural studies should be going / or are already heading at - away from identity towards universal humanism - and then look at my texts again and how or whether they already show a turn in that direction and how such negotiations are presented with a focus on the aesthetic rather than on politics. Which I should form into a 15 page nutshell essay by the end of the week as it is beyond overdue for my contribution to a conference publication in Göttingen....
But my hopes are flying high, as we are already being such good girls and enthusiastic about it .... and then again, blogging is of course also just a form of procrastination...
so far I started into a book I got only this morning: Walter Benn Michaels "the Trouble with Diversity" - not only is he perfect for my argument and very interesting and thought provoking and useful, but the introduction at least was also hilariously funny written - as far as academic texts go. He is witty, ironic and has his thumb right on the problem of society - which is that we love ethnicities and talking about identities because we are so afraid of talking about class and actual social inequality - because that would mean we need to act and redistribute and restructure while on diversity we so nicely managed to agree and just have to accept difference but not redistribute real wealth. His argument, of course, is a lot more complex already in the introduction, but that is the major issue he then discusses on several levels and problems.
Fitting into how I want to use Michaels for my thesis is Butler's arguments on the precariousness of lifes which she outlined in her talk earlier this month and which I am now also reading up on in her 2004 published collection of five post 9/11 essays on the topic.
So I think that I will come up with an argument where I think society and cultural studies should be going / or are already heading at - away from identity towards universal humanism - and then look at my texts again and how or whether they already show a turn in that direction and how such negotiations are presented with a focus on the aesthetic rather than on politics. Which I should form into a 15 page nutshell essay by the end of the week as it is beyond overdue for my contribution to a conference publication in Göttingen....
But my hopes are flying high, as we are already being such good girls and enthusiastic about it .... and then again, blogging is of course also just a form of procrastination...
2/15/2009
watch-ed: Letters to the President
Went to two Berlinale Films - the first was the movie version of Josef Haslinger's novel Vaterspiel by Michael Glawogger. Nicely done, very close to the text - even structurally - but no WOW-surprise there ... and i was fairly tired too.
Yesterday afternoon we went to Delhi cinema (one of the great things about festivals is that you get to got to all those amazing old movie halls) to watch the documentary Letters to the President by a Czech-Canadian filmmaker about the populist president of Iran. It was an interesting movie and rather nicely filmed but although he claimed he did not intend to give anything like a cohesive picture of Iran, the film still somehow looked as if it pretended to do that and ended up giving a very hard binary opposition between poor-religious-uneducated-followers and urban-educated-unreligious-critics. It would have been more honest to stick with the original theme of just portraying the populist politics, how they work and possibly what all does not work due to the populist approach. And the best thing was that we were there with our two Iranian friends and they then provided many very interesting glimpses into Iranian politics and society - a culture I am yet much too unfamiliar with! - over a late lunch in a cafe underneath the stadtbahn which was rather audible ....
Yesterday afternoon we went to Delhi cinema (one of the great things about festivals is that you get to got to all those amazing old movie halls) to watch the documentary Letters to the President by a Czech-Canadian filmmaker about the populist president of Iran. It was an interesting movie and rather nicely filmed but although he claimed he did not intend to give anything like a cohesive picture of Iran, the film still somehow looked as if it pretended to do that and ended up giving a very hard binary opposition between poor-religious-uneducated-followers and urban-educated-unreligious-critics. It would have been more honest to stick with the original theme of just portraying the populist politics, how they work and possibly what all does not work due to the populist approach. And the best thing was that we were there with our two Iranian friends and they then provided many very interesting glimpses into Iranian politics and society - a culture I am yet much too unfamiliar with! - over a late lunch in a cafe underneath the stadtbahn which was rather audible ....
2/12/2009
a bad talk, good networking and arrogance in the early morning
Last night Bharati Mukherjee gave the WEB du Bois lecture at Humboldt university - I admit I used to have my reservations against her and really do not care for her early work very much or for her stance against Canada which she often publicly voices in a very angry and reductive way - falling into the same trap she sometimes accuses other (or Canada) to do in so far as she does not differentiate between the situation in the early 80s and today's society and political landscape. However, in SF in December she was honored at the SALA conference and gave a short acceptance speech which was not only taking complex cultural developments into account due to globalization but also showed some development towards these in her latest books. Thus, admittedly I expected a nice critical talk especially as her topic was "Towards a Post-Racial Society: An American Experiment". While the invitation by Mita Banerjee was quite nice (a lot better than both introductions to Judith Butler) the presentation by Mukherjee was pure disappointment - an anecdotal something about American society from her very personal experience that was banal at best and less informative than media reports at most times. It seemed as if the thing was quickly put together during the 12 hour flight from SF but still was an embarrassing presentation by someone who is also professor at Berkeley - even if she may have been asked to present a positive image to please the sponsoring embassy...
But the evening was not a total waste, as the sponsoring embassy was present with three members and that gave a nice opportunity for networking and asking for support for our upcoming conference ...
And this morning actually great news - however these kinds of news by now tend to only elicit a heartfelt 'oh shit' from me.... because I had in September applied (with a late entry) for the GNEL conference this year and had now been put into the second call and been accepted. Which is GREAT and I really want to go to that conference and need to get more conference participations and publications on this year's schedule still - lacking behind already - but at the same time I am already postponing and rescheduling so many tasks this early spring because I just don't sit down to do them, that yet another one - no matter how great - right now only means panic....
But the evening was not a total waste, as the sponsoring embassy was present with three members and that gave a nice opportunity for networking and asking for support for our upcoming conference ...
And this morning actually great news - however these kinds of news by now tend to only elicit a heartfelt 'oh shit' from me.... because I had in September applied (with a late entry) for the GNEL conference this year and had now been put into the second call and been accepted. Which is GREAT and I really want to go to that conference and need to get more conference participations and publications on this year's schedule still - lacking behind already - but at the same time I am already postponing and rescheduling so many tasks this early spring because I just don't sit down to do them, that yet another one - no matter how great - right now only means panic....
2/10/2009
gechatte über klassenkolleginnen
rist: polnischer ursprung is mir wurst
ed: jaja wurstreise und so, schon klar!
rist: hab heut im FM ein weckerl mit polnischer gegessen, das war fein
ed: jaja
rist: die erste anspielung war unbewurst
rist: unbewusst
rist: freud hat sich ja vor allem mit dem unterderbewursten beschäftigt - also semmerln
ed: und dem über-ich - also essichgurkerl
rist: wir sind super
ed: ja natürlich!
ed: jaja wurstreise und so, schon klar!
rist: hab heut im FM ein weckerl mit polnischer gegessen, das war fein
ed: jaja
rist: die erste anspielung war unbewurst
rist: unbewusst
rist: freud hat sich ja vor allem mit dem unterderbewursten beschäftigt - also semmerln
ed: und dem über-ich - also essichgurkerl
rist: wir sind super
ed: ja natürlich!
is non-sexist language possible?
This is the last week of the first term and while many of us eagerly look forward to and drown in organizational matters concerning long stays in the US in the coming weeks it is also already a sad time of good-byes. today especially as it was the last of Luita's great classes on academic writing.
In one of those sessions some weeks back we discussed strategies to avoid gendered language in academic writing, which is far more complicated and difficult than just the issue of the generic 'he'. The (as always) great handout on the matter is the longest we got by being 3 pages of densly written text with the (typical for Luita) witty subtitle "Why and how not to insult people".
Among other issues we also problematized the option of replacing the generic he with a similarly generic 'she'. This has to be dismissed on several grounds: not only is it based on the same amount of sexism as the generic 'he' - even though it promotes the historically constructed underdog, but - especially if in an attempt to achieve some balance within a text by switching between the pronouns which may also lead to confusion for the reader - studies show that if switching is employed most texts manifest sexism again on the level of using the pronouns in connection with stereotypically more male or female actions. Meaning that even if it is done in an attempt of equality and balance, actions associated with feelings tend to get more female pronouns and action is usually male connotated.
In this context, I can now not help but wonder, whether the use of a female reader persona in an academic text dealing with aesthetic reception of Gone With The Wind is not rather an act of sexism on the part of the (male) author of the text?
In one of those sessions some weeks back we discussed strategies to avoid gendered language in academic writing, which is far more complicated and difficult than just the issue of the generic 'he'. The (as always) great handout on the matter is the longest we got by being 3 pages of densly written text with the (typical for Luita) witty subtitle "Why and how not to insult people".
Among other issues we also problematized the option of replacing the generic he with a similarly generic 'she'. This has to be dismissed on several grounds: not only is it based on the same amount of sexism as the generic 'he' - even though it promotes the historically constructed underdog, but - especially if in an attempt to achieve some balance within a text by switching between the pronouns which may also lead to confusion for the reader - studies show that if switching is employed most texts manifest sexism again on the level of using the pronouns in connection with stereotypically more male or female actions. Meaning that even if it is done in an attempt of equality and balance, actions associated with feelings tend to get more female pronouns and action is usually male connotated.
In this context, I can now not help but wonder, whether the use of a female reader persona in an academic text dealing with aesthetic reception of Gone With The Wind is not rather an act of sexism on the part of the (male) author of the text?
2/09/2009
really not my thing.... exaggeration
Those who know me, ever met me, or at any point in time happened to have been to dinner at our place know probably what I am talking about... because I really do so not have an idea what people mean when they say I tend to exaggerate... because, let's be honest - when we talk food, there really is no such thing, right?
And so there is a lot of great humus, even more wonderful because home-made zaalouk, I did actually refrain from making guacamole, so there is just 4 avocados softening in the fridge, bread for an army regiment or two but I do have a freezer - and I did make 3 soups (several times thinking of including sweet potato soup as well, but really did not because I only have 3 spots on the stove) not to talk about olives oh and 3/4 of a blueberry-cheesecake (that could have been baked a bit more) and an orange-spice-cake...
So what I am trying to say is that I just spent a wonderful relaxing nice evening on my floors, eating soup, chatting, drinking wine, having sweets and sending people home at 11 pm to be on time at tomorrow's conference meeting at 10... *stöhn*
while I start a bit of dish-washing and have a lot of left overs and cheesecake and more drinks with it...
I do like my class a lot actually
And - according to bene - I used a really cheesy-cheap pick-up line on him ... because he started on npr and its great programs which elicited a groan from me, uttering 'great, another man in my life who loves the prairie home companion' :)
And so there is a lot of great humus, even more wonderful because home-made zaalouk, I did actually refrain from making guacamole, so there is just 4 avocados softening in the fridge, bread for an army regiment or two but I do have a freezer - and I did make 3 soups (several times thinking of including sweet potato soup as well, but really did not because I only have 3 spots on the stove) not to talk about olives oh and 3/4 of a blueberry-cheesecake (that could have been baked a bit more) and an orange-spice-cake...
So what I am trying to say is that I just spent a wonderful relaxing nice evening on my floors, eating soup, chatting, drinking wine, having sweets and sending people home at 11 pm to be on time at tomorrow's conference meeting at 10... *stöhn*
while I start a bit of dish-washing and have a lot of left overs and cheesecake and more drinks with it...
I do like my class a lot actually
And - according to bene - I used a really cheesy-cheap pick-up line on him ... because he started on npr and its great programs which elicited a groan from me, uttering 'great, another man in my life who loves the prairie home companion' :)
2/04/2009
lucky bastard
I am going to dartmouth in June. More thrilling academic interaction - more American Studies I have no idea of - more urgent reading that ought to be done and one more talk to prepare and give and this time it better be good .... but as I go there as a member of the Grad school, I suppose they will definitely make sure I don't embarrass them, so for about the first time ever I might have to have a full paper prepared before boarding the plane ... oh and nice PhD comic today.
precarious life
just back from a talk given by Judith Butler at the FU ... an unbelievable experience on many levels and most stimulating on the academic one.
First the location was changed to the Henry Ford Building (the audi max) due to the incredible amount of people registering for the event. This building, while apparently the 1950s founding building of the university looks like one of its newest, it really is a piece of timeless and quite stunning and beautiful architecture. The lecture was opened by one of the vice-presidents of the university, a scholar I have known for years and I really admire and like a lot, but today she, quite frankly, blew it. Although she nicely welcomed the guest of honor and speaker, she then started to ramble on for about 15 minutes and not much of it was about Butler and what she said about her was rather embarrassing and banal in trying to summarize Butler's work in a few sentences and then she sounded like a PR brochure for the university, it's excellency (as acknowledged by the German administration) and the Dahlem Humanities Center. Then the rector of that center (or something like that) came up, acknowledging that the audience was here for Butler and thus he would keep it short - always be aware of the guy who introduces his introduction with promises of brevity ... because he after starting as PR continued to talk about Butler and we thought all is fine as he gave a nice short bio-sketch.... but then went on and on, basically telling her and us what her research was to interrupt his own narrative with stupidity and all that for about 30 minutes (and I mean real stupidity) to come to the point that only yesterday she had been in London and how bad the weather there was at the moment - which at least led to my Prof. remarking at my side 'oh good, he's at the weather report, which is usually at the end of a program, isn't it?' ... it wasn't ... not quite anyway because he still had to allude to the dangerous waves she had to overcome or rather cross beneath (referring to the Ärmelkanal) to come here - and from there made the link to announce the paper's title "Frames of War".
The great thing about it all - before I come to the content which was really interesting - was the atmosphere. First the whole lobby was filled to the brink and once they opened the doors to the Audi max at 6 it felt like a rock concert or huge football match as a wave and murmur rushed through these academic masses and at the same time it seemed as if the room opened had huge suction powers ... once we were seated - and it took about 5 minutes to have to room filled and then 55 minutes to fight off 'late-comers' (the talk only started at 7) and send them to the 4 adjoining huge lecture halls where a video-conference setup would transmit the event. This audi max was also the room where in 1968 students protested and demonstrated against the attack on Rudi Dutschke, leading to wide protests and later that year another huge student protest against the Prager Frühling was initiated here. So it was historic ground we were treading and it was also very present in the atmosphere, as the academically well informed audience (who was here for Butler and those being there before 6 - which were the only ones making it into the large room - were real fans and knew her work) were most annoyed (to put it mildly) by the introductions and PR statements given before so there was mild riot, buh-ing, whistling, laughter and shouting ... unfortunately to no avail, as both speakers did not budge from the podium although our discontent was well articulated...
Finally, Butler took the floor and gave a marvelous speech. I did not have much sleep last night and a long day - including some coffee but not much - but did not even feel tired during the more than one hour. She did not present totally new ideas as such and I am glad that we had discussed her approach in class before, so the basis of her argument or the approach was not unfamiliar - but the structure of the paper was great - not really surprising as she is a Prof. of Rhetoric in Berkeley. She started out with a discussion of the precariousness of life, distinguished between apprehension and recognition, came to her post-structuralist informed argument of resistance but then used all that to apply it to the question of humanity in general and the current political violent unrest in Gaza in particular. Emphasizing how to be able to apprehend life (which is not even meaning to recognize it) means to acknowledge the precariousness of life which is the root to distinguish what life is (here we briefly came to the discussion of normativity) and as this distinction between life and non-life and even death works along norms of society, life, too, needs to be recognized as such, thus needs the 'other', and thus can not be thought without grief, because to think what life is also means to conceptualize what it's loss is. conflicts not only result in the loss of life but usually are ideology bound and thus some lives are defined as more precarious than others - as more valuable and thus more valid to grief. If the loss of a life cannot or should not be grieved it thus is a non-life and thus the root of all conflict arises, as we are unable / unwilling to recognize this life and apprehend its precariousness. Butler, of course, had a lot more arguments along the line, very thought provoking insights a great presentation to go with it and a really stunning trail of thought, none of which I am able to do justice to.
First the location was changed to the Henry Ford Building (the audi max) due to the incredible amount of people registering for the event. This building, while apparently the 1950s founding building of the university looks like one of its newest, it really is a piece of timeless and quite stunning and beautiful architecture. The lecture was opened by one of the vice-presidents of the university, a scholar I have known for years and I really admire and like a lot, but today she, quite frankly, blew it. Although she nicely welcomed the guest of honor and speaker, she then started to ramble on for about 15 minutes and not much of it was about Butler and what she said about her was rather embarrassing and banal in trying to summarize Butler's work in a few sentences and then she sounded like a PR brochure for the university, it's excellency (as acknowledged by the German administration) and the Dahlem Humanities Center. Then the rector of that center (or something like that) came up, acknowledging that the audience was here for Butler and thus he would keep it short - always be aware of the guy who introduces his introduction with promises of brevity ... because he after starting as PR continued to talk about Butler and we thought all is fine as he gave a nice short bio-sketch.... but then went on and on, basically telling her and us what her research was to interrupt his own narrative with stupidity and all that for about 30 minutes (and I mean real stupidity) to come to the point that only yesterday she had been in London and how bad the weather there was at the moment - which at least led to my Prof. remarking at my side 'oh good, he's at the weather report, which is usually at the end of a program, isn't it?' ... it wasn't ... not quite anyway because he still had to allude to the dangerous waves she had to overcome or rather cross beneath (referring to the Ärmelkanal) to come here - and from there made the link to announce the paper's title "Frames of War".
The great thing about it all - before I come to the content which was really interesting - was the atmosphere. First the whole lobby was filled to the brink and once they opened the doors to the Audi max at 6 it felt like a rock concert or huge football match as a wave and murmur rushed through these academic masses and at the same time it seemed as if the room opened had huge suction powers ... once we were seated - and it took about 5 minutes to have to room filled and then 55 minutes to fight off 'late-comers' (the talk only started at 7) and send them to the 4 adjoining huge lecture halls where a video-conference setup would transmit the event. This audi max was also the room where in 1968 students protested and demonstrated against the attack on Rudi Dutschke, leading to wide protests and later that year another huge student protest against the Prager Frühling was initiated here. So it was historic ground we were treading and it was also very present in the atmosphere, as the academically well informed audience (who was here for Butler and those being there before 6 - which were the only ones making it into the large room - were real fans and knew her work) were most annoyed (to put it mildly) by the introductions and PR statements given before so there was mild riot, buh-ing, whistling, laughter and shouting ... unfortunately to no avail, as both speakers did not budge from the podium although our discontent was well articulated...
Finally, Butler took the floor and gave a marvelous speech. I did not have much sleep last night and a long day - including some coffee but not much - but did not even feel tired during the more than one hour. She did not present totally new ideas as such and I am glad that we had discussed her approach in class before, so the basis of her argument or the approach was not unfamiliar - but the structure of the paper was great - not really surprising as she is a Prof. of Rhetoric in Berkeley. She started out with a discussion of the precariousness of life, distinguished between apprehension and recognition, came to her post-structuralist informed argument of resistance but then used all that to apply it to the question of humanity in general and the current political violent unrest in Gaza in particular. Emphasizing how to be able to apprehend life (which is not even meaning to recognize it) means to acknowledge the precariousness of life which is the root to distinguish what life is (here we briefly came to the discussion of normativity) and as this distinction between life and non-life and even death works along norms of society, life, too, needs to be recognized as such, thus needs the 'other', and thus can not be thought without grief, because to think what life is also means to conceptualize what it's loss is. conflicts not only result in the loss of life but usually are ideology bound and thus some lives are defined as more precarious than others - as more valuable and thus more valid to grief. If the loss of a life cannot or should not be grieved it thus is a non-life and thus the root of all conflict arises, as we are unable / unwilling to recognize this life and apprehend its precariousness. Butler, of course, had a lot more arguments along the line, very thought provoking insights a great presentation to go with it and a really stunning trail of thought, none of which I am able to do justice to.
1/31/2009
a vancouver rain-day...
I don't remember when I last spent a day like this but I know when I've last seen one and already then would soo have preferred to join in.... falling asleep at 5.30 in the morning ... waking up at 9.30 but being saturday, figured no harm done in 'forcing' myself to more sleep ... up at lunchtime which automatically was interpreted as reason enough for a really large breakfast, accompanied by more episodes of my lattest obsession - then some more TV on the side of sports, then the briefest of moments filled with more apartment sprucing up ideas for the class-social-meeting here next week - but after a selection of posters to be put up I realized I don't have (enough) appropriate tape to be gentle to my work-intensive-walls thus project postponed for a few more episodes, later more tv over cooking potatoes and cleaning up the kitchen where in lieu of a dishwasher and due to only little cooking over the week (as there was not much more than breakfast food here until thursday night anyway) dishes had piled up since my red-wine-makes-blue-stains-on-the-kitchen-wall-risotto last monday. Then fried potatoes with green beens and tv for dinner and one more episode for a dessert of kiwi and yoghurt. Due to the amount of food some more evening sports alongside more TV. And now I am thinking to go to bed, but as my laptop is already here and my current reading material not at my bedside but in my bag by the door, I might chose TV over literature for night-entertainment....
With a non-day of such proportions, I am earnestly planning on 2 judith butler texts tomorrow, some laundry and I have to do some more grocery shopping, my fridge thinks, and might while being at it also look for power-strips for decorations and band-aids for my feet because last night I wore my new SF-bright-red sneakers about which it was already suggested to slowly break them in.... well the blisters I have probably once again prove that listening to friends and being less pig-headed could have advantages...
and then in the afternoon an abstracting meeting with classmates, I hope
With a non-day of such proportions, I am earnestly planning on 2 judith butler texts tomorrow, some laundry and I have to do some more grocery shopping, my fridge thinks, and might while being at it also look for power-strips for decorations and band-aids for my feet because last night I wore my new SF-bright-red sneakers about which it was already suggested to slowly break them in.... well the blisters I have probably once again prove that listening to friends and being less pig-headed could have advantages...
and then in the afternoon an abstracting meeting with classmates, I hope
1/29/2009
another thursday exhaustion...
another thursday and the two hours in between are always too little... in the morning 10-12 visiting lecture in our american exceptionalism class by Prof. Ostendorf on Multiculturalism with actually really interesting insights - though most of them only really clarified / i.e. really revealed his position in the private meeting afterwards. then - due to that meeting - only 1 hour lunch break which to get soup at the american bagel shop around the corner is hardly enough because the really nice guy working there is even and considerably slower than the Hollerbusch in MQ was or any other bio-place - which seems to have slow movements in their job-descriptions - could ever be...
then the Fluck seminar which catapulted me right back to the beginning of the semester with the difference that by now I don't seem to care anymore to embarrass myself... because Fluck asked on our perception of the Don Pease text we read in terms or the state of exception and transnationalism and from his question it was clear we had a rather different reading experience. Which I voiced ... basically by introducing my interpretation and follow up questions with "We are talking about the essay on his take on Planetary Literature .. right??!?" But Fluck being patient as he is, let me stutter through my objections of the text before politely pointing out the many wrong taken turns in my reading and in the discussion gave a nice reading and then interpretation. And then we ended with the Lacan and Castoriadis positions on the imaginary and it was someone else's turn to make half an ass out of themselves... but in the end we left with rather enlightened ideas about concepts of the imaginary... we did not connect that (I mean Fluck did, but not apparent to me / us) connect that to the overall theme of the semester in which it very logically fits and adds to according to today's opening statement. But the great thing is, he is going to give an even better comprehensive summary at the beginning of next class and until then we also had time to think more and eventually it all makes sense ... at least as long as I listen... once I start to try and reproduce or apply things, I am still more than lost ... who would have thought identity issues could be so complicated and all our attempts to shed the discussion requesting more pressing questions we are forced to admit that all theoretical questions burn down to this key issue in some form or another....
then two hours for post-seminar-discussions with peers, and 3 conference organization meetings before the evening colloquium on Transgendered America ... which was interesting both in terms of the argument but even more in terms of the (rather bad) performance of the speaker in the Q&A ... because while - contrary to the scholars present - I and a colleague were willing to buy his argument, we would have argued and countered totally different ...
on the way home finally some grocery shopping... I love opening hours till 10 pm daily (incl. Sunday) ... so no more breakfast food for dinner as happend these past days with only fruit, jam, butter and one still untouched carrot in the fridge...
then the Fluck seminar which catapulted me right back to the beginning of the semester with the difference that by now I don't seem to care anymore to embarrass myself... because Fluck asked on our perception of the Don Pease text we read in terms or the state of exception and transnationalism and from his question it was clear we had a rather different reading experience. Which I voiced ... basically by introducing my interpretation and follow up questions with "We are talking about the essay on his take on Planetary Literature .. right??!?" But Fluck being patient as he is, let me stutter through my objections of the text before politely pointing out the many wrong taken turns in my reading and in the discussion gave a nice reading and then interpretation. And then we ended with the Lacan and Castoriadis positions on the imaginary and it was someone else's turn to make half an ass out of themselves... but in the end we left with rather enlightened ideas about concepts of the imaginary... we did not connect that (I mean Fluck did, but not apparent to me / us) connect that to the overall theme of the semester in which it very logically fits and adds to according to today's opening statement. But the great thing is, he is going to give an even better comprehensive summary at the beginning of next class and until then we also had time to think more and eventually it all makes sense ... at least as long as I listen... once I start to try and reproduce or apply things, I am still more than lost ... who would have thought identity issues could be so complicated and all our attempts to shed the discussion requesting more pressing questions we are forced to admit that all theoretical questions burn down to this key issue in some form or another....
then two hours for post-seminar-discussions with peers, and 3 conference organization meetings before the evening colloquium on Transgendered America ... which was interesting both in terms of the argument but even more in terms of the (rather bad) performance of the speaker in the Q&A ... because while - contrary to the scholars present - I and a colleague were willing to buy his argument, we would have argued and countered totally different ...
on the way home finally some grocery shopping... I love opening hours till 10 pm daily (incl. Sunday) ... so no more breakfast food for dinner as happend these past days with only fruit, jam, butter and one still untouched carrot in the fridge...
1/28/2009
filmtermin in wien
am 1. Feb um 13 uhr unbedingt wohlfühlkino einplanen - der neue SRK Schnulzinger *cho chweet* kommt im Filmcasino: Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi! Go watch!
on absence...
How do we deal with absence? If one of us leaves, is he or she the one responsible to stay in contact, meaning personal one to one contact or is that a mutual responsibility? Is it easier for the one gone into a new life to deal with absence as the void is less visible or is leaving not also isolation oneself? And once you have become used to an absence and it continues to be felt only in nostalgia of how it once used to be but is not an actual emptiness in everyday life, can you reestablish contact? And can it feel natural or is it forced? Should you force yourself and/or another into it because you once felt so perfect together and could not fathom being alone, if the continued exchange is not happening by itself out of a shared need? Do some relationships only have meaning in close proximity and is this a bad thing? Is it not also natural and can it not also mean that even while you might be out of one another's life, if and when you meet up again it feels as if none of you had ever left? Are we not just trained to mourn absence and conditioned to think in our narcism that everyone who does not care for us daily AND lets us know that she or he does, is not a part of us or our life anymore? In times of despair one usually realizes the many wonderful people out there ready to catch you.
1/26/2009
Radical Imaginary
Can anyone please explain Castoriadis' idea of the radical imaginary to me - and in a more down to earth and graspable way than Wolfgan Iser did? Just spent an hour reading that chapter and have absolutely no clue what I read and what either Iser or Castoriadis possibly mean...
An Oscar for Amitabh Bachchan
On New Year's Day in San Francisco I was fortunate enough to see Slumdog Millionaire with Carola. And although there was an annoying couple sitting beside us ... she was heavily pregnant and very indignant towards any noise producing form of utterance including laughs and breathing, let alone whispered comments ... and I suspect that even our restricting ourselves to the 'vah re vah' gesture of appreciation did not sit with her too well ... and then again, apart from the fact that the dialogues were in Hindi which she likely did not understand and had to be satisfied with whatever the subtitles offered, she missed a lot of the movie anyway - about 4-7 levels of meaning - due to her not being well-versed in Hindi film culture. But enough of voicing my still lingering annoyance - the more important thing is: Go Watch That Movie!!
It is really great film, as even the Western and more specifically US film fraternity has in the meantime acknowledged. The movie received, I think, four Golden Globes - one for the terrific music by A. R. Rahman, a much deserved acknowledgement of his genius - several Critics Choice Awards, the Screen Actor's Guild Award, the Producer's Award and is currently nominated for 10 Academy Awards. The director, of course is not Indian, but then again, that gives the movie the option to run in the main categories in the first place. It is also currently in the top 5. And if you watch it, let me tell you, that the most appalling scene in the first half is shot on real location, but the substance is peanut butter and chocolate....
However, my real point is that if this movie should get an Oscar, it is actually an award for Amitabh Bachchans lifetime achievements. I admit, I still have to read the novel on which it is based, but the filmic adaptation is very much a homage to the veteran and still very active megastar in Hindi movies. He is not only evoked on screen as the super hero of the slum kids, and as the host of the first season of the Indian version of 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' - 'Kaun Banega Crorepati' (the second season, by the way, was hosted by SRK) but the whole movie setup was also very much a reliving of the 1970s and 1980s movies he made so famous - the 'Angry Young Man' movies, full on with redemption of the 'good at heart but crook by circumstances character' just before he dies to save the really good guy who then gets reunited with his love interest. If this sounds cheesy, it is only due to the one-line-summary. Go watch the movie and then go home and watch Sholay, or Zanjeer, or Coolie ...
Slumdog Millionaire is of course also a very contemporary movie - and please take note of the terrific police inspector played by Irrfan Khan (who will come to the screens in February again as Billu Barber with SRK) ... he is one of Indias currently best Charakterdarsteller! I have yet to see a bad performance by him.
So you go watch, I get the novel, then watch the film again and should I ever find the time these coming month will look into the option of refining my above claim into an essay for the Journal of South Asian Popular Culture ... and we all know that this will never happen.... because, writing blogs like this, is also just one way of my not really favorite but definitely dominant form of time pass: procrastination
It is really great film, as even the Western and more specifically US film fraternity has in the meantime acknowledged. The movie received, I think, four Golden Globes - one for the terrific music by A. R. Rahman, a much deserved acknowledgement of his genius - several Critics Choice Awards, the Screen Actor's Guild Award, the Producer's Award and is currently nominated for 10 Academy Awards. The director, of course is not Indian, but then again, that gives the movie the option to run in the main categories in the first place. It is also currently in the top 5. And if you watch it, let me tell you, that the most appalling scene in the first half is shot on real location, but the substance is peanut butter and chocolate....
However, my real point is that if this movie should get an Oscar, it is actually an award for Amitabh Bachchans lifetime achievements. I admit, I still have to read the novel on which it is based, but the filmic adaptation is very much a homage to the veteran and still very active megastar in Hindi movies. He is not only evoked on screen as the super hero of the slum kids, and as the host of the first season of the Indian version of 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' - 'Kaun Banega Crorepati' (the second season, by the way, was hosted by SRK) but the whole movie setup was also very much a reliving of the 1970s and 1980s movies he made so famous - the 'Angry Young Man' movies, full on with redemption of the 'good at heart but crook by circumstances character' just before he dies to save the really good guy who then gets reunited with his love interest. If this sounds cheesy, it is only due to the one-line-summary. Go watch the movie and then go home and watch Sholay, or Zanjeer, or Coolie ...
Slumdog Millionaire is of course also a very contemporary movie - and please take note of the terrific police inspector played by Irrfan Khan (who will come to the screens in February again as Billu Barber with SRK) ... he is one of Indias currently best Charakterdarsteller! I have yet to see a bad performance by him.
So you go watch, I get the novel, then watch the film again and should I ever find the time these coming month will look into the option of refining my above claim into an essay for the Journal of South Asian Popular Culture ... and we all know that this will never happen.... because, writing blogs like this, is also just one way of my not really favorite but definitely dominant form of time pass: procrastination
1/24/2009
Dreifache Kanalreinigung
Ich war gestern beim weltbesten Zahnarzt ... und das will was heißen, weil ich war eigentlich schon in wien bei der weltbesten und verständnisvollsten Zahnärztin gewesen .... nicht nur dass der typ all meine spombanadln ertrug ... er begrüßte mich mit den worten: Sie sehen eh ganz entspannt aus. Worauf ich: Naja, ich hatte mir nälmich überlegt, dass sie mich ja eigentlich gar nicht brauchen, oder? Er etwas verdutzt: Naja... ich: also ich mein ich hab ja eh nix zu sagen bei der geplanten aktion also dachte ich ich mach einfach nur den mund weit auf und hör laute musik und lass sie machen. Er: Ach so meinen Sie, ja solange sie da bleiben während ich ihren Zahn operiere geht das in Ordnung
und hat dann super in zeichensprache mit mir kommuniziert, obowhl ich den mp3 player nachdem er fertig gebohrt hatte, längst ausgeschaltet hatte - war süss
Und dann hat er mir drei Zahnkanäle gereinigt und von totem nerven und zeugsmaterial (das da seit so einem jahr immer wieder ein Fisterl macht und füllt und leert und kreislauf und ekelig...) gereinigt und jetzt mit medizin gefüllt und zugemacht und in 3 wochen nochmal. Aber sowas von ohne schmerzen und fast schon lustig, dass ich tatsächlich noch meine Zahnarztabneigung verlieren könnte.... wenn das mal nicht zu einem muster wird und ich im neuen leben hier bis Ablauf der 3 jahre plötzlich einen Hansi-Kanarienvogel hüte...
und hat dann super in zeichensprache mit mir kommuniziert, obowhl ich den mp3 player nachdem er fertig gebohrt hatte, längst ausgeschaltet hatte - war süss
Und dann hat er mir drei Zahnkanäle gereinigt und von totem nerven und zeugsmaterial (das da seit so einem jahr immer wieder ein Fisterl macht und füllt und leert und kreislauf und ekelig...) gereinigt und jetzt mit medizin gefüllt und zugemacht und in 3 wochen nochmal. Aber sowas von ohne schmerzen und fast schon lustig, dass ich tatsächlich noch meine Zahnarztabneigung verlieren könnte.... wenn das mal nicht zu einem muster wird und ich im neuen leben hier bis Ablauf der 3 jahre plötzlich einen Hansi-Kanarienvogel hüte...
1/17/2009
read and watch-ed
As I did not leave the house again for all of the weekend (except to get canned tuna I could open without a can opener...) nothing happened worth telling ... not even my new things lists get miraculously done by themselves... but need to finally tell you about a GREAT book I read in SF ... and about a movie I saw on Friday night because of course I still hit every BW-movies that makes it to the big screen here and thanks Ganesha-ji there are a lot more here than in Vienna...
So the book is Madras on Rainy Days by a new literary voice: Samina Ali. One of the very few books that not only made me halt for especially beautiful sentences or intense scenes but almost even made me choke on suppressed tears - and for those of you who don't know me - I hardly ever cry in movies or literature (few noticable exceptions: almost tears at the end of Kal Ho Na Ho, real tears / sobbing / choking at the end of the first viewing of Waqt and the end of Francis Itani's novel Deafening)
The story itself is fascinating (yes I am back on Ali's debut novel) as it is about a traditionally brought up Muslim Southern Indian Girl - though brought up in the USA and in India - never feeling to really belong and suffering from her father's betrayal of her mother (=divorce and remarriage). After some resistance the heroine enters an arranged marriage (but bleeding from a self-effected and not totally successful abortion) - and starts for the first time feeling welcome and belonging in a family. That, of course, is not to last, but the emotional outpours and twists of the story are fascinating to read along, the shaping of the protagonist's opinions and especially the language. After a long time again a book I found hard to put away ... and my brief plot outline here does not even faintly approach doing justice to the text! Sorry for that, broken down to 3 lines it sounds sensationalist and bland - it is not! And even the exoticization in it is not insufferable...
And, last Friday at Potsdamer Platz I watched Chandni Chowk to China. Of course, a rather silly action film, but very much playing with this silliness and thus it really did work for me. Not a must see again, but a nice time pass and the way some critics slaughtered the film is just not justified, as they did not take the metatextual elements into consideration and intertextual play at work. And I find myself increasingly taken by Akshay Kumar's performances. So I will have to get my old hard-disk to work again as it would hold many of his old gems like the Khiladi movies...
Oh and I called my family this morning who inquired whether I still blog - meaning they still never looked at it - and also ignored me for about a third of the phone call for other discussions amongst themselves ... should I feel as if not cared for??? But as I was calling them already, I also got asked - in the usual by the way fashion - whether I would like to be the godmother for the confirmation of my beloved and already godchild Anna - which I am delighted to do ... although I am not sure whether the Catholic Church will be just as delighted ...
So the book is Madras on Rainy Days by a new literary voice: Samina Ali. One of the very few books that not only made me halt for especially beautiful sentences or intense scenes but almost even made me choke on suppressed tears - and for those of you who don't know me - I hardly ever cry in movies or literature (few noticable exceptions: almost tears at the end of Kal Ho Na Ho, real tears / sobbing / choking at the end of the first viewing of Waqt and the end of Francis Itani's novel Deafening)
The story itself is fascinating (yes I am back on Ali's debut novel) as it is about a traditionally brought up Muslim Southern Indian Girl - though brought up in the USA and in India - never feeling to really belong and suffering from her father's betrayal of her mother (=divorce and remarriage). After some resistance the heroine enters an arranged marriage (but bleeding from a self-effected and not totally successful abortion) - and starts for the first time feeling welcome and belonging in a family. That, of course, is not to last, but the emotional outpours and twists of the story are fascinating to read along, the shaping of the protagonist's opinions and especially the language. After a long time again a book I found hard to put away ... and my brief plot outline here does not even faintly approach doing justice to the text! Sorry for that, broken down to 3 lines it sounds sensationalist and bland - it is not! And even the exoticization in it is not insufferable...
And, last Friday at Potsdamer Platz I watched Chandni Chowk to China. Of course, a rather silly action film, but very much playing with this silliness and thus it really did work for me. Not a must see again, but a nice time pass and the way some critics slaughtered the film is just not justified, as they did not take the metatextual elements into consideration and intertextual play at work. And I find myself increasingly taken by Akshay Kumar's performances. So I will have to get my old hard-disk to work again as it would hold many of his old gems like the Khiladi movies...
Oh and I called my family this morning who inquired whether I still blog - meaning they still never looked at it - and also ignored me for about a third of the phone call for other discussions amongst themselves ... should I feel as if not cared for??? But as I was calling them already, I also got asked - in the usual by the way fashion - whether I would like to be the godmother for the confirmation of my beloved and already godchild Anna - which I am delighted to do ... although I am not sure whether the Catholic Church will be just as delighted ...
1/15/2009
academic adrenalin
Of course I only managed about 1 page and a bit .... but almost finished the article in the subway this morning ... not without ramming my elbow into someone's head and almost stabbing another with my pencil. And then had an exciting discussion and many arguments flying for 2 hours of academic exchange - and not as we had feared yesterday, about whether history could ever be objective - as this impossibility is by now well established anyway so it was more on moral and ideological aspects of writing in general - of academic investigations and how or what can make them wrong (while, of course, there is no right) ... sounds all very banal if broken down here now, but the discussions, examples and arguments / counterarguments were really great fun and some even thought provoking and multi-disciplinary and all.
Still on my summer school application.... *stöhn*
Still on my summer school application.... *stöhn*
post-midnights
Irgendwie grad immer bis 2 uhr morgens wach und nach mitternacht mal wieder am produktivsten .. also außer ich beginne an meinem lese-pensum zu arbeiten das nicht fiction betrifft, dann natürlich weiterhin höchstens 10 seiten, meistens eher nur in der gegend von 1-2 absätzen. Sollte aber heute noch meinen CV überarbeiten und ein Abstract erfinden für eine Summer School Application in Dartmouth College, Hanover
Will da hin, von uns 15 dürfen aber nur 2 (bzw bekommen es nur 2 bezahlt und für selber zahlen zu teuer)
Außerdem hab ich noch besagte 10 Seiten zu einem Essay / Chapter von Zinn zu radical history vor mir, die ich aber ev. schaffe, weil mich der aufsatz eher disturbed oder gar aufregt ob seines vorschlags zur geschichtsschreibung als moralisierende oder sogar bewusst ideologische. Gut er geht zwar von der nachvollziehbaren bzw. unterstreichbaren premisse aus, dass man ohnehin nicht ohne 'message' schreiben könne, schon gar nicht geschichte, aber er geht eben über den üblichen subjektivitätsansatz des sich bewusstseins hinaus und verlangt eine 'idea of writing history in such a way as to extend human sensibilities' und während er das auch wirklich gut meint, also Geschichte so zu schreiben, dass es der Verbesserung der Welt dient, ist dies doch eine gefährliche Grundlage, die mehr oder weniger ideologienverbreitung verlangt. Sprich, auch wenn ich mit seinen einstellungen was eine bessere welt wäre (ob unseres eher gemeinsamen kulturellen hintergrunds) deutlich d'accord gehe, so hab ich doch ein massives problem mit seinem geforderten Zugang zur Geschichtsschreibung per se.
Also mal sehen ob ich die 10 Seiten noch schaffe... zuerst mal an CV und den noch sehr mühsamen Abstract, weil ich keine wirklich klare Idee habe was ich machen will und wie ich Transkulturalität so sehe...
Will da hin, von uns 15 dürfen aber nur 2 (bzw bekommen es nur 2 bezahlt und für selber zahlen zu teuer)
Außerdem hab ich noch besagte 10 Seiten zu einem Essay / Chapter von Zinn zu radical history vor mir, die ich aber ev. schaffe, weil mich der aufsatz eher disturbed oder gar aufregt ob seines vorschlags zur geschichtsschreibung als moralisierende oder sogar bewusst ideologische. Gut er geht zwar von der nachvollziehbaren bzw. unterstreichbaren premisse aus, dass man ohnehin nicht ohne 'message' schreiben könne, schon gar nicht geschichte, aber er geht eben über den üblichen subjektivitätsansatz des sich bewusstseins hinaus und verlangt eine 'idea of writing history in such a way as to extend human sensibilities' und während er das auch wirklich gut meint, also Geschichte so zu schreiben, dass es der Verbesserung der Welt dient, ist dies doch eine gefährliche Grundlage, die mehr oder weniger ideologienverbreitung verlangt. Sprich, auch wenn ich mit seinen einstellungen was eine bessere welt wäre (ob unseres eher gemeinsamen kulturellen hintergrunds) deutlich d'accord gehe, so hab ich doch ein massives problem mit seinem geforderten Zugang zur Geschichtsschreibung per se.
Also mal sehen ob ich die 10 Seiten noch schaffe... zuerst mal an CV und den noch sehr mühsamen Abstract, weil ich keine wirklich klare Idee habe was ich machen will und wie ich Transkulturalität so sehe...
1/14/2009
twittering
got signed up on twitter yesterday and added my twittering to the side-bar ... so much for productive procrastination. did a bit of conference-orga-stuff and am putting off writing an important abstract and application for a great summer school to be handed in tomorrow ... and still much reading to do
1/13/2009
therapie am dach
loving tuesdays! Because on Tuesday we have class until 2 in the philosophy building (i.e. NIG) which also houses the large and not bad mensa ... thus some of us afterwards have lunch together which is always very very nice and then coffee at the PI cafe on the top floor. And today Azadeh totally freaked out because there was a dog and everyone started to tell her that he is a good harmless cutie - will ja nur spielen - or not even that much, but she still kept getting more panicky and all and I rescued her because i sooo know that feeling from my little bird-issue.... so we escaped onto the roof (an move appreciated esp. by the smokers in the group) and there I defended Azadeh and of course started relating my little birdy-issues and the pigeon incident of last April when I ended up shivering and all teary clutching a cup of tea and no coat at 11 pm in front of our house.... triggering, I suppose, all sorts of abused-woman-ideas in passers by and breaking down when the waitresses from the cafe asked what had happened and between sobs I coughed 'there ... is a... bird in ... my room....' Stefan then bravely (and delivered by sports car) came to the rescue, of course!
Anyway, I think people from my class are slowly starting to 'get me' - i.e. get the idea that I might possibly be a tiny bit weird ... maybe I should for once start talking about myself a little less and keep some of those stories for later times ...
And again no Literature Seminar this week - although my own paper would have been discussed tomorrow - as not only members of the group but also the teacher is ill .... better for me because this way I hope Yuliya will also be there next week and give her input which I am very much looking forward to.
thus just more reading time for Thursday which will likely bring a boring class on American Exceptionalism - at least if I judge by the bits i read so far - we will talk about the 'objectivity' and 'memory' of 'history' which is fine but was already to some extend covered last week ... and identity questions (Hall, Butler, Fluck) for the culture class which I hope will again prove to be very dense and interesting ... but unfortunately two of the texts are not yet available... so I will either have to read them from screen or go some place for the printing tomorrow as i will not be in the Villa.... oh poor me, so much difficulties ;) I love it when life's biggest problem is the immediate access to free printing...
Although ... the front tire of my bike is airless - AGAIN - the third time in a month (2 weeks of which the bike was in the shop over christmas break) and always in the morning, i.e. in front of the house - thus I start getting paranoid and suspecting one of my neighbors of sabotaging it ... I will pump it up again, if the air fails again, will check the tire myself for possibly some hidden spike that is in the outer part and ruining any new tube I had put in and will store the bike in the back yard. If the pattern continues, I suppose I will then have to choose a different path of action...
Anyway, I think people from my class are slowly starting to 'get me' - i.e. get the idea that I might possibly be a tiny bit weird ... maybe I should for once start talking about myself a little less and keep some of those stories for later times ...
And again no Literature Seminar this week - although my own paper would have been discussed tomorrow - as not only members of the group but also the teacher is ill .... better for me because this way I hope Yuliya will also be there next week and give her input which I am very much looking forward to.
thus just more reading time for Thursday which will likely bring a boring class on American Exceptionalism - at least if I judge by the bits i read so far - we will talk about the 'objectivity' and 'memory' of 'history' which is fine but was already to some extend covered last week ... and identity questions (Hall, Butler, Fluck) for the culture class which I hope will again prove to be very dense and interesting ... but unfortunately two of the texts are not yet available... so I will either have to read them from screen or go some place for the printing tomorrow as i will not be in the Villa.... oh poor me, so much difficulties ;) I love it when life's biggest problem is the immediate access to free printing...
Although ... the front tire of my bike is airless - AGAIN - the third time in a month (2 weeks of which the bike was in the shop over christmas break) and always in the morning, i.e. in front of the house - thus I start getting paranoid and suspecting one of my neighbors of sabotaging it ... I will pump it up again, if the air fails again, will check the tire myself for possibly some hidden spike that is in the outer part and ruining any new tube I had put in and will store the bike in the back yard. If the pattern continues, I suppose I will then have to choose a different path of action...
1/12/2009
procrastination rocks!
at least if you still manage to get things done....
(and as apparently my family is not interested in this blog - not to think my life ;)) I can as well indulge in some code-switching - especially as I have no off-screen social contacts to speak of since the Telekom Techniker left my bedroom Friday afternoon and thus all my language input (no output to speak of) over the last days was English and Hindi - lucky yous that I decided on English today ...
So I procrastinated quite effectively this weekend with a load of bolly-sports, really good progress on watching two seasons of 'men in trees' for the second time, I successfully finished the second season of 'pushing daisies' as well as 'Andaaz' (oh kitne pyaari hai), 'Accidental Husband' and am half-way through 'Jaan' - an early Ajay Devgan (snoopy-vulture-face to Christina) with all the ingredients of an action-romance of the Mid-1990s Hindi film industry - delightful (especially the incredible amount of inconsistencies and weird jumps in story line).
BUT I also managed to finally hand in my paper for the conference proceedings of a conference I attended in Graz (in April) ... shame really, the original deadline was Sep. 1, moved to Oct 15 ignored till Nov 20, after a rather brief involvment forgotten again with my head bowed in shame until Christmas greetings and a final extension to Jan 10 arrived and thus the paper was sent on Jan 11 at 11 am ... thus only 4 month, 10 days and especially 11 hours late... How will I ever mend my procrastinating ways if people are so nice to me and let me get by with it....
And I wrote a few long e-mails, sent a rather too long and not well structured dissertation outline to my seminar group for discussion on Wednesday, did grocery shopping on Sunday (I just love the Edeka on Südkreuz for their 9-22 / 7 days a week opening hours) love the sunny winter days (from the other side of the window, that is) and my bedroom as I wake up looking into the rising sun (or sometimes the first faint red light on the horizon to tell me to stay in bed for another couple of hours ...
Oh and before anyone gets cheesy ideas about the Telekom Techniker - he brought filth, yes, but only on his shoes onto my new floor and he used dirty language but only because he could not get my line to work properly for more than an hour which resulted in several repeated work routines at the ports on the street, in the back yard and in my apartment - i.e. he had to climb the three flights of stairs again and again and whatever he did did not work properly and once we had it all set up and it worked the guys from the central office told him that the line we were using shows the danger of interference and thus sub-optimal performance especially for my internet connection was to be expected - and there he went again... cursing... and as the phone plug is on the wall in my bedroom and I set up all the routers and stuff there, I admit, I had a man in my bedroom. And my phone is working.
(and as apparently my family is not interested in this blog - not to think my life ;)) I can as well indulge in some code-switching - especially as I have no off-screen social contacts to speak of since the Telekom Techniker left my bedroom Friday afternoon and thus all my language input (no output to speak of) over the last days was English and Hindi - lucky yous that I decided on English today ...
So I procrastinated quite effectively this weekend with a load of bolly-sports, really good progress on watching two seasons of 'men in trees' for the second time, I successfully finished the second season of 'pushing daisies' as well as 'Andaaz' (oh kitne pyaari hai), 'Accidental Husband' and am half-way through 'Jaan' - an early Ajay Devgan (snoopy-vulture-face to Christina) with all the ingredients of an action-romance of the Mid-1990s Hindi film industry - delightful (especially the incredible amount of inconsistencies and weird jumps in story line).
BUT I also managed to finally hand in my paper for the conference proceedings of a conference I attended in Graz (in April) ... shame really, the original deadline was Sep. 1, moved to Oct 15 ignored till Nov 20, after a rather brief involvment forgotten again with my head bowed in shame until Christmas greetings and a final extension to Jan 10 arrived and thus the paper was sent on Jan 11 at 11 am ... thus only 4 month, 10 days and especially 11 hours late... How will I ever mend my procrastinating ways if people are so nice to me and let me get by with it....
And I wrote a few long e-mails, sent a rather too long and not well structured dissertation outline to my seminar group for discussion on Wednesday, did grocery shopping on Sunday (I just love the Edeka on Südkreuz for their 9-22 / 7 days a week opening hours) love the sunny winter days (from the other side of the window, that is) and my bedroom as I wake up looking into the rising sun (or sometimes the first faint red light on the horizon to tell me to stay in bed for another couple of hours ...
Oh and before anyone gets cheesy ideas about the Telekom Techniker - he brought filth, yes, but only on his shoes onto my new floor and he used dirty language but only because he could not get my line to work properly for more than an hour which resulted in several repeated work routines at the ports on the street, in the back yard and in my apartment - i.e. he had to climb the three flights of stairs again and again and whatever he did did not work properly and once we had it all set up and it worked the guys from the central office told him that the line we were using shows the danger of interference and thus sub-optimal performance especially for my internet connection was to be expected - and there he went again... cursing... and as the phone plug is on the wall in my bedroom and I set up all the routers and stuff there, I admit, I had a man in my bedroom. And my phone is working.
1/06/2009
back home
Zurück in Berlin und heimkommen fühlt sich sehr gut an ...
San Francisco war noch genial - am letzten Abend am Pazifik gestanden und in die untergegangene Sonne am Horizont geschaut inmitten von Sanddünen und dann völlig erschöpft zufällig im Castro Theater im Gay Viertel gelandet zu einem double feature - zuerst Breakfast at Tiffany's und dann noch ein Peter Sellers als Inspektor Clouseau... aber Breakfast war das eigentlich geniale - Audrey auf Großleinwand im wahrscheinlich architektonisch genialsten Kino in dem ich je war... und es gab eine life Orgel mit genialem Organisten vor und zwischen den Filmen ... unglaublich und unglaubliche Stimmung ... ein MUST!!!
Und heute erkannt, dass ich in der feiertagstechnisch schlechtesten Gegend gelandet bin - heiße 9 Feiertage im Jahr (im Vgl in Bayern 13 und in Wien mit Landesfeiertagen gar 17!!) Also heute Uni und kein Feiertag und es fühlte sich etwas weird an - gestern noch in San Francisco und heute wieder Berlin...
Aber kein Jetlag glaub ich, da völlig übermüdet erst um 22.30 ins Bett gestern und heute um halb 9 normal aufgestanden... und hab ja sehr viel und schon früh Morgensonne im Schlafzimmer... Vielleicht brauch ich doch noch mal Vorhänge im Sommer
Und Akhtar, unser Klassenkollege aus Bangladesh hat sich über Weihnachten verlobt in London... sehr lustig und süss - vor allem fast traditionell, also so halb-arrangierte Hochzeit und er wird schon in den nächsten Ferien heiraten, also im März. Bohut Mubarak und eben sehr witzig - also halt für mich, weil genauso wie immer in meiner Diss-Primärliteratur
San Francisco war noch genial - am letzten Abend am Pazifik gestanden und in die untergegangene Sonne am Horizont geschaut inmitten von Sanddünen und dann völlig erschöpft zufällig im Castro Theater im Gay Viertel gelandet zu einem double feature - zuerst Breakfast at Tiffany's und dann noch ein Peter Sellers als Inspektor Clouseau... aber Breakfast war das eigentlich geniale - Audrey auf Großleinwand im wahrscheinlich architektonisch genialsten Kino in dem ich je war... und es gab eine life Orgel mit genialem Organisten vor und zwischen den Filmen ... unglaublich und unglaubliche Stimmung ... ein MUST!!!
Und heute erkannt, dass ich in der feiertagstechnisch schlechtesten Gegend gelandet bin - heiße 9 Feiertage im Jahr (im Vgl in Bayern 13 und in Wien mit Landesfeiertagen gar 17!!) Also heute Uni und kein Feiertag und es fühlte sich etwas weird an - gestern noch in San Francisco und heute wieder Berlin...
Aber kein Jetlag glaub ich, da völlig übermüdet erst um 22.30 ins Bett gestern und heute um halb 9 normal aufgestanden... und hab ja sehr viel und schon früh Morgensonne im Schlafzimmer... Vielleicht brauch ich doch noch mal Vorhänge im Sommer
Und Akhtar, unser Klassenkollege aus Bangladesh hat sich über Weihnachten verlobt in London... sehr lustig und süss - vor allem fast traditionell, also so halb-arrangierte Hochzeit und er wird schon in den nächsten Ferien heiraten, also im März. Bohut Mubarak und eben sehr witzig - also halt für mich, weil genauso wie immer in meiner Diss-Primärliteratur
1/03/2009
don't forget to put some flowers in your hair....
ein monat fast - und was für eines ... die letzten wochen im dezember waren dann nur noch stress-renovierung (und ich habs JUBEL!!! geschafft 4 nächte vor Weihnachten schon in MEINER Wohnung zu verbringen und an den letzten beiden war dann sogar das Badezimmer schon benutzbar.... wobei trotzdem stefan jetzt schon mehr dort gewohnt hat als ich, da er zu einem Kongress in Berlin war...)
Ich aber very merry merry merry christmas bei Muttern in Oberösterreich... aber auch dort 2 tage zu spät aufgeschlagen und dann nur 3 Tage weil am 25. frühmorgens mit dem Zug nach München und dann ab ins Flugzeug und direkt nach San Francisco!!!!
und dort nach 2 Tagen sehr netter Konferenz und einem kurzen Blick auf aber nicht attendence of MLA riesen mega extrem Konferenz (sprich nächstes Jahr in Philly bin ich dann dort auch) jedenfalls dann endlich endlich (und mit einer Nacht Verspätung wegen der arroganten selbstgefälligen US-Immigration (sprich Air Canada gilt bei Ankunft hier als Inlandsflug - was aber einfach nur heißt, dass die das canadian territory einfach auch als ihr eigen betrachten (Siehe eine Telefonwerbung mit supergünstigen national tarifen "including Canada and Puerto Rico") - jedenfalls is die Immigration schon in Toronto am Airport und so musste Carola dort schon in die USA einreisen - aber die haben sich dafür genau so viel zeit gelassen dass sie ihren Anschlussflug versäumte und die Nacht dort verbringen musste und eben gleich wieder nach Canada einreisen und am nächsten Tag wieder ausreisen.... jedenfalls aber ist sie da und wir erobern San Francisco gemeinsam und geniales Sylvester.
Und heute schon der letzte Tag hier - morgen dann 12 Stunden Flug mit 9 h Zeitverschiebung - also sozusagen 21 Stunden unterwegs - dafür hab ich nach SF nur 3 gebraucht - fair is fair.
Ich aber very merry merry merry christmas bei Muttern in Oberösterreich... aber auch dort 2 tage zu spät aufgeschlagen und dann nur 3 Tage weil am 25. frühmorgens mit dem Zug nach München und dann ab ins Flugzeug und direkt nach San Francisco!!!!
und dort nach 2 Tagen sehr netter Konferenz und einem kurzen Blick auf aber nicht attendence of MLA riesen mega extrem Konferenz (sprich nächstes Jahr in Philly bin ich dann dort auch) jedenfalls dann endlich endlich (und mit einer Nacht Verspätung wegen der arroganten selbstgefälligen US-Immigration (sprich Air Canada gilt bei Ankunft hier als Inlandsflug - was aber einfach nur heißt, dass die das canadian territory einfach auch als ihr eigen betrachten (Siehe eine Telefonwerbung mit supergünstigen national tarifen "including Canada and Puerto Rico") - jedenfalls is die Immigration schon in Toronto am Airport und so musste Carola dort schon in die USA einreisen - aber die haben sich dafür genau so viel zeit gelassen dass sie ihren Anschlussflug versäumte und die Nacht dort verbringen musste und eben gleich wieder nach Canada einreisen und am nächsten Tag wieder ausreisen.... jedenfalls aber ist sie da und wir erobern San Francisco gemeinsam und geniales Sylvester.
Und heute schon der letzte Tag hier - morgen dann 12 Stunden Flug mit 9 h Zeitverschiebung - also sozusagen 21 Stunden unterwegs - dafür hab ich nach SF nur 3 gebraucht - fair is fair.
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